


Damsel's Club

by ladyspock7



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: F/M, Scandal, Secret Relationship, Sexy Times, damsels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3577044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyspock7/pseuds/ladyspock7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxanne is Metro City's official Damsel. But when she falls for Megamind, how will it affect her role? How long can they keep it secret?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story fills a Dec. 16, 2014 writing prompt from the tumblr blog advent-of-evil (now called archive-of-evil).

 

Megamind eased the hoverbike down towards Roxanne's apartment. He had the stealth mode engaged so his approach was silent, but Roxanne was watching for him. She smiled at him through the plate glass then stepped back into the apartment.

A big smile spread over his face. Megamind put the hoverbike in park and leaped over the railing with a flourish of his cape but, sadly, Roxanne wasn't watching. She was looking at a letter in her hands.

He ordered the braiinbots to hide the hoverbike, then walked through the double doors and slipped his arms around her waist. She laid one of her arms over his and leaned back against him, but she continued to look at the paper in her hand, which, he now saw, was a newsletter for the Nationwide Association of City Damsels.

He nuzzled her hair as he read over her shoulder. "Well, well, well," he said in a singsong lilt, "This year's convention is just a hop, skip, and a jump away in Chicago. We should go."

"What do you mean 'we'?" she said, narrowing her eyes at him.

He laughed, a low rich chuckle that sent vibrations across her back. "Imagine, Metrocity's very own Damsel walking into the convention center on the arm of Public Enemy Number One. Ha ha ha." He ran his fingers lightly over her ribs.

She yelped and shoved the tickling hand away. Turning in his arms she smacked him on the shoulder but he buried his face in her neck, still laughing.

"No way am I taking you into a building full of Damsels!" she said, pushing him away and fixing him with a stern look. "Some of them come with their boyfriends, and most of _them_ are Defenders. They'd have to take turns kicking your ass."

"Aw, you don't have any confidence in me at all," he said, pretending to pout. "Like I can't handle a bunch of preening, spandexed pretty boys. I cleaned the Speedster's clock when he was in town. Not to mention Eagleman, Crimestopper, Captain Attack, oh, and Lady Trinity. The superheroines fare no better against my incredible awesomeness. Shall I go on?”

Metro Man used to take two weeks off annually, but none of his substitutes had proven capable of handling Megamind. The yearly mayhem got so bad that the city council had begged their official Defender not to take any more vacations.

Under the mental strain of being on-call 24/7, year-round, Metro Man's hair had begun to gray over the last couple of years, and there were times when he seemed distracted and harassed, as if his mind were not on the epic battle at hand.

Roxanne said, "Yeah, fine, you wiped the floor with them, but that was one at a time. I don't think you could fight all of them coming at you at once."

He smiled evilly. "You're forgetting the Hero Posse. That was a fun little group." He ran his hands up and down her back. "I promise I won't pick any fights. And societal convention will be on my side. I shall walk in quietly, in a tuxedo, with no threats or villainous monologuing. Those noble heroes won't start anything."

She rested her forearms on his shoulders. "They'll see it as their duty to arrest you."

He waved one hand in the air before wrapping it around her back again. "Eh. They'd get in each other's way, and while they're swinging uselessly at the air, I'll be dodging around behind them, tying their shoelaces together."

She couldn't keep up the stern face. "How evil of you," she giggled. "It doesn't matter anyway, because I'm not going."

He chuckled. "It'd be one hell of a news story," he said, and kissed her. "You'd get the exclusive."

"If KMCP didn't fire me on the spot," she grumbled.

"They wouldn't dare. First, there's your contract. Plus, I'd make their lives miserable with endless bomb threats. And I'll cut off their power. And..."

"Ahh! Enough already!" she said. "Just thinking about it is giving me a headache."

"Okay. We get to keep sneaking around behind everyone's backs." He pulled her hips close and kissed her again.

"You love it, don't you?" she murmured after a moment. They rested their foreheads together. "I can't believe you haven't even told Minion yet. I thought you'd brag it up to all your bad guy friends that you scored with the Damsel."

He pretended to be shocked. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell," he said loftily.

Secretly he didn't really want to tell anyone. There were a few places where he got together with his uncles and their friends once in a while, but he didn't want to tell them about Roxanne. They'd cheer and holler and slap him on the back, and act like he was putting one over on the city's Defender. Everyone still thought Roxanne and Metro Man were an item.

That didn't bother him, but he didn't want them talking about Roxanne as if she were just a trophy that he'd won. Though he did feel as if he _had_ won, in a way. He had won the heart of the woman he loved, and he felt like the happiest man in the universe.

Minion would just fuss and worry, and come up with all kinds of worst-case scen-ah-rios. Better to keep his new relationship with Miss Ritchi quiet, until he could find the best way to let Minion know.

Still, there was such a thing as pride, and he did have an image to maintain, even with his lady love. "There will be plenty of time for bragging after I convince you to be my Queen. Together we will bring this city to its knees."

She snorted. "Not going to happen, spaceman." She sighed and looked down at the newsletter again. "I need to find a way to retire quietly."

"You don't have to retire. I won't tell on you. You're not sorry, are you?" he said playfully. "About seducing me?"

She burst out laughing. "Oh, I think it's an open question about who seduced whom. And absolutely not," she said, looking deep into his gorgeous eyes, and their lips met.

\- - -

On the rooftop across the street, Minion sighed and lowered the binoculars. At least now he knew why the boss had been so preoccupied lately.

"I can't believe he didn't tell me," Minion said to the two brainbots. They blinked and bowg-ed. Hesitantly, one of them began to fly across to Miss Ritchi's apartment.

"No, no! Stay!" Minion said in alarm, and it flew back to his side. _I'd really be in trouble if he knew I was following him._

The fact that Megamind hadn't even suspected he was being followed was a little disturbing. Minion wasn't sure which upset him more, that Megamind had fallen for The Girl or that he seemed to be losing his edge.

Grimly, Minion stowed the binoculars back in the case, got back on his own hoverbike, and returned to the lair.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Minion paced the Lair, muttering at the brainbots. “It’ll all end in tears. And guess who’s going to have to pick up the pieces?”

Brainbot 71 blinked and said “Bowg?”

“That’s right, me!” Minion said, jabbing a finger at the Lair’s high ceiling. “Good ol’ Minion! Always there in case I have to sweep up the shattered bits of Sir’s broken heart and try to put ‘em back together again.”

The brainbot’s jaws snapped closed over his waving digit. Minion absent-mindedly pried it off. He had sensory perception in all of his robotic limbs, but fortunately no pain receptors, which made it useful when he had to grab overflowing beakers of acid or take hot cookie trays out of the oven.

“I mean, I like Miss Ritchi, but she’s the Damsel! What is she thinking?”

The brainbot blinked. “Bowg bowg?”

“Yeah. My thoughts exactly. It’s the thrill. Once the excitement wears off, what then? And did you know he takes the same route to her apartment every time?”

“Bowg.”

“I know! Like that’s not an ambush waiting to happen.”

He stomped over to the monitor station and ran through the security check, even though he’d just checked half an hour ago.

“It was when he began turning off the homing beacon on his wrist communicator,” Minion said, patting 71 on the dome. “That was the first clue. You have to practically disassemble the comm to turn the signal off. Then all these mysterious ‘errands’,” he said, making quotation marks in the air with his hands. “Errands. Ha! Then he’s gone all night. Like I won’t notice?

“Hmph,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not like I’ll have to guess where he’s at anymore.”

\- - - - - - -

Roxanne padded back into the bedroom, took off the robe she’d thrown on to go to the bathroom, and slipped under the covers. Megamind rolled over without even opening his eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist, cupping her breast. Roxanne lay on her back and rested her cheek against his head. Soon he was breathing deeply again.

She was a little disappointed he hadn’t woken up, and debated doing so. She felt like making love again before he left, but he was really zonked out. He didn’t usually sleep so deeply when he was with her. The dark smudges under his eyes had faded, but weren’t entirely gone. He had a highly irregular sleep schedule, staying awake for days, he said, then just catching up on sleep whenever or wherever he could.

Glancing at the clock she realized she would have to get up pretty soon anyway, so she decided to let him sleep.

She yawned hugely. It was probably just as well he didn’t come over every night. She couldn’t stay awake all night, every night.

She had her work and her friends, and he had his ee-vil devices to maintain and invent. The secret nature of their relationship prevented them from making too many plans in advance, or from getting together at a reasonable hour.

It wasn’t like he could just drop by the station and meet her for lunch, at least not in his normal appearance. And if he showed up in disguise, people would talk. Her coworkers would wonder, who was the new man in her life? What about Metro Man?

She already got the occasional piece of hate mail from jealous female fans who didn’t think she was good enough for the hero, not to mention some snide comments on various social media sites. If people thought she were cheating on Metro Man, the rumor mill would eat her alive.

She shifted a little to look at Megamind’s closed eyelids, the black eyelashes lying against his blue cheek, the strong brows and bridge of his nose.

The sun wasn’t up yet but the soft light of dawn spilled in the window. He’d be leaving soon. She wanted this moment to last a little longer, to feel the warmth of his body and the weight of their entwined legs.

She had thought he would be the sort of person to toss and turn and generally make a mess of the blankets, but once he stopped trying to tickle her and playing with her hair, he barely moved all night, even if he didn’t doze off.

He told her that he used to sleep with Minion when he was a child so he had learned early on not to thrash around. He still shared a bed with Minion if he were injured, if he weren’t locked up in the prison or the hospital, that is. Who would have guessed the self-proclaimed Master of All Villainy was such a cuddler?

She looked at the four thin parallel scars on his left arm. So pale they were almost white against the blue skin, and slightly raised, they ran diagonally across his forearm from elbow almost down to the wrist.

At first he joked that someone had attacked him with a giant comb, but at her persistent questioning he said it was an old injury from an Austrian werewolf, which hardly sounded any more believable, but she knew him well enough to know he was telling the truth.

After further pressing for information he admitted that ‘werewolf’ was shorthand for ‘a man who accidentally had his genes scrambled with those of a wolf and several other unspecified animal components in an Austrian mad scientist’s lab.’

“I thought you were so tough,” she’s said, teasing him a little. “What about your fabulous alien biology?”

He’d pursed his lips. “Sometimes there are... extenuating circumstances which make it more difficult to heal.”

He told her. She was shocked.

After a few moments she managed to say, “When I was fifteen I got to go to Six Flags with my cousins on an overnight trip. You were battling secret government agencies.”

He shrugged again, and smiled. “Only one agency.”

“So modest. How did you do it?”

“A combination of my amazing intellect, persistance, and large amounts of running. _Tremendous_ amounts of running. I could have participated in marathons.”

Several more scars marked him, almost all of them hidden by his clothing, except for the very faint, almost invisible one by his right eye. From a knife wielded by another crimelord’s henchman, he’d said lightly, though he did not reveal the name of either the crimelord or the henchman.

It grieved her that he’d suffered such injuries, but they excited her, too.

He wore them well, and unself-consciously. The scars didn’t bother him. He was more bothered by the inherent physical differences between him and every other human on Earth. His bragging about being incredibly handsome covered a deep insecurity. She let him know through her words and actions that she found him very attractive indeed, and he thrived under her attention.

All of his spectacular losses to Metro Man had led her to believe he was an incompetent, borderline clown, but the scars were evidence of something she hadn’t suspected: he really was one of the most dangerous men in the city, if not _the_ most.

And he was all hers.

Four weeks ago, he hadn’t been.

\- - - - - - - - -

Four weeks ago, she’d been anticipating his latest escape with a heightened sense of anxiety, because of what had happened between them _six_ weeks ago.

She found herself wondering what the hell was taking him so long to break out. Were the security features especially difficult this time, or was he... distracted by recent events?

Though when she finally got the call from the police that Megamind had escaped, as she always did when he broke out, to warn her to be on the lookout, she felt a jolt of panic.

 _I never should have let him kiss me,_ she thought as she hung up the phone.

The call was a mere formality. The police officer on the other end of the line spoke in a scolding sort of voice as if he believed she wasn’t taking proper precautions, which irritated her. She thanked him curtly and hung up.

She spent the rest of the day jumping at loud noises and struggling not to snap at her co-workers.

She hadn’t been this jittery since the early kidnapping days, before they became nothing more than a giant nuisance.

Metro Man came by shortly before she went out for her nightly broadcast and offered to fly by her place to check on her but she assured him it wouldn’t be necessary.

She may have been a little too vehement in her refusal to have him drop by, because he gave her a puzzled look, but in the end he just said, “Well, if you need me, just scream.”

Hal actually asked if she wanted him to sleep over on her couch so she wouldn’t be alone.

“Metro Man offered to check on me, but thanks anyway Hal,” she said, the words almost fighting each other to zoom out of her mouth.

Hal deflated. “Oh. Well, if you’re, like, feeling scared, or Metro Man’s, like, too busy or something, just give me a ring and I’m there.”

Silently she thanked all that was holy that everyone thought she was the hero’s squeeze, and didn’t bother to mention to Hal that she had put Metro Man off, too.

The thought of Hal in her apartment was unthinkable, but she automatically said “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” and promptly banished it from her thoughts.

She most definitely wanted to be alone when Megamind came around. Because they had to talk. Yes, they had to clear the air. There were things they must discuss.

She was well aware of her position as Metro City’s Damsel. She wasn’t going to get smitten like Anne Hemings the Damsel of San Antonio, who got seduced by El Diablo, the top super-villain of that city, two years ago.

Anne Hemings got pregnant, the scandal broke, and she fled to her hometown of Boise, Idaho in disgrace. El Diablo acted like she didn’t exist, and took no notice of her or the daughter she’d borne him.

Authorities were keeping an eye on the daughter to see if she would exhibit any of her father’s telekinetic powers, especially if she turned out to have his criminalistic tendencies.

Roxanne wished they’d leave the poor kid alone. All this attention could have the unwanted effect of pushing her into a life of crime.

\- - - - - - -

After work, Roxanne paced around her apartment, fighting the urge to dig the bottle of Chardonnay out of the back of the fridge. God, she needed a drink. She was too nervous to eat supper, but she didn’t feel hungry anyway.

 _Why did he have to kiss me? And why did I let him?_ she berated herself again.

She glared at the clock on the wall by the bookshelf. It was after midnight. He wasn’t coming.

Why hadn’t he come? Bastard. Kisses her, gets hauled off to prison, now he’s out and he can’t be bothered to show up?

Her stomach rumbled. She paced into the kitchen again and yanked open the fridge, settling on a leftover chicken leg from the deli.

Striding back into the living room, she picked up the remote and turned off the TV, too agitated to watch. It had merely provided white noise. Kicking her shoes off she curled up on the couch while she ate.

It must have all been part of the stupid hero-villain game, kissing her. Just trying to see how far he could push things.

Damn him. He was so predictable. Except now, he wasn’t. She didn’t know what he would do.

She was jittery and on edge and mad at herself for wanting...wanting what, exactly? She was the Damsel of Metro City, she shouldn’t be getting... feelings... for the villain. Not for somebody who constantly tied her up and shoved her under swinging scythes and tied dynamite to her head, cackling and making witty remarks.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Then came his latest scheme, which ended up with both of them trapped in his so-called Grotto of Death, a hundred and twenty feet below Lake Michigan, the room slowly filling up with water, and all exits blocked.

Metro Man tried to punch his way in, which nearly made the ceiling collapse.

After Megamind got done shouting at him through the wall to get word to Minion to bring around the blueprints for the Grotto so the emergency responders could enter through the maintenance tunnel, (which also turned out to be partly blocked, but they were able to shore up the walls and work their way in), there was nothing for them to do but wait.

Megamind observed the water level was rising at one inch every fifteen minutes, so even though the Grotto was half flooded, they should have enough time for Metro Man and the emergency crew to reach them before the chamber completely filled, unless they ran out of oxygen, or succumbed to hypothermia, or...

At which point Roxanne told him unless he had something useful to say then he ought to just shut the hell up, and he huffily replied he was getting to that, they would have to share his cape for warmth since they were both soaking wet, unless she found his presence so loathsome she would prefer a slow lingering death, and she snapped well whose fault is that!

But she accepted the offer. Apparently there were no blankets or any other emergency supplies, though he did snatch up a flashlight as it floated by, and so they huddled together on top of the monitors like refugees, listening to the distant sounds of Metro Man and the rescue crew carefully moving debris and shoring up the tunnel.

She was extremely pissed off and found several more things to yell at him about, but six hours of shivering and huddling took the edge off her anger. Plus she found it rather difficult to keep shouting at someone whose face was only two inches away.

And the lights began to wink out. So that was kind of scary, and Megamind looked as miserable as she felt, and they talked some, about semi-ordinary things. And then he kissed her.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_I should not have let that happen,_ she chided herself.

She saw it coming, the way he looked at her. What was the last thing they’d said right before...? Oh yes.

She’d said, “I don’t think you’re loathsome. If you didn’t piss me off so much you wouldn’t be so bad.”

His lips twitched into a wry smile. “Why, Miss Ritchi, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

She snickered a little and then they looked into each other’s eyes. His bemused smile faded and his face took on a more intent look. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder, and he shifted a little to put his arm behind her back, but watching her carefully as if to see if she would deck him or yell at him again, but she didn’t.

His arm was warm on her back and his hand closed firmly on her shoulder. Then, with his other hand he touched her chin with his fingertips and gently tilted her head, and leaned in, pressing his mouth against hers.

She could have stopped him at any time. But she hadn’t. In fact, she kissed back. And why? Because she’d caught a glimpse of the man behind the sneer and she was curious. She had been curious for a long time.

\- - - - - - - - - - - -

Now she couldn’t think about anything else. So here she was, sitting around like some lovesick teenager waiting for the phone to ring, assuming that he’d come flying over to her place.

She felt like such a fool. She was so glad she hadn’t given in to the temptation to try to visit him in prison.

When she was done eating she would brush her teeth, make sure the doors were locked (not that it ever helped anyway, but still), and go to bed.

Wiping her mouth on her wrist she turned to go back into the kitchen to throw away the bone when a movement out on the balcony caught her eye.

Megamind swung his leg over the hoverbike and dismounted, then hopped over the railing to stand on the balcony.

She gasped and her hand flew to her chest. Roxanne looked at the chicken bone in her hand and muttered “Damn it,” at the grease smear it was making on her blouse. She tossed it on the end table, grabbed a kleenex and wiped her fingers, heart pounding. That bike was noisier than ten Harley-Davidsons. It must have a stealth mode.

Her face felt hot and she clenched her fists at her sides. She glanced at the phone. _I am supposed to call the cops. Or just scream._ Metro Man would be there in seconds.

But Megamind wasn’t sneering or giving her an evil smile or striding to the door with the can of knock-out spray at the ready.

One black-gloved hand gripped the railing while the other clutched the edge of his cape, nervously rubbing the fabric between his fingers. There were dark smudges under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept the entire two weeks. His eyes followed her glance to the phone and then he looked back at her, somber and unmoving.

He looked around, examining the balcony, the doors, and the sky, as if searching for traps. Then a muscle jumped in his jaw and his nostrils flared, his chest and shoulders rising as if he’d taken a deep breath, and he strode purposefully to the glass doors, his cape flaring out behind him as if a breeze had been waiting in the wings to help him make his entrance.

 _Maybe there was,_ she thought. _Probably has a wind machine hidden on the roof._

And damn it, he looked good.

Up until he seized the door handle and it gave a loud clunk.

He raised his eyebrows and gave her an exasperated look as if to say _Well?_

Roxanne crossed her arms and tossed her bangs out of her eyes. _Yeah, it’s locked, genius._ Now she would see if he was here to kidnap her, or... or something else.

A faint frown made a wrinkle between his eyebrows. He pressed his lips into a thin line and looked down with a little shake of his head. Then, with a heavy sigh, he lifted his hand in an exagerrated way, and rapped on the pane with his knuckles.

So he wasn’t going to barge in like he owned the place. Just a social call. Fine.

She unlatched the door and he took a step back.

“Miss Ritchi,” he squeaked, and coughed into his fist. He took a deep breath and tried again. “Miss Ritchi,” he said in a more normal tone, “You’ll be glad to hear that I have discovered the culprit behind the debacle at the Grotto of Death. Zebra mussels.”

“You’re kidding,” she said drily, and raised an eyebrow. “Shellfish messed up your genius plan?”

He frowned at her dismissive tone. “Put enough of them together and they become a real problem. Invasive non-native species. The little pests got into the main intake valve.”

He paced back and forth, making chopping motions with his hands. “They prevented the hatch from closing and that’s why the water kept getting in. And when your tight-wearing boyfriend punched my beautiful Octo-Destructor into the main entrance, it caused all four support pylons to collapse, thus sealing us in.”

She leaned against the frame of the other door, which she’d left closed, and watched as he paced. As he ground to a halt he clasped his hands behind his back and turned to her with an expectant look. She gave him a thin smile. “Glad you cleared that up. I was wondering how you managed to almost kill me this time. I can add ‘drowning’ to my list of least favorite ways to die.”

He sniffed. “I almost died, too, and you don’t hear me whining about it. I believe you already ripped me a new one back in the Grotto. May I continue or would you like to spend another half hour shouting at me?”

She shrugged. She didn’t even feel that mad about it anymore, actually, which showed how immune she’d grown to life-threatening situations, but she didn’t want him to think she was going to just let him off the hook. “Fine. Let me hear your little speech.”

He smiled a humorless smile. “You are too kind.” He rocked onto his heels and stuck his thumbs in his belt. “I apologize for the unforeseeable failure of my failsafes which led to your near-demise.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I was there, too.”

His lips twitched into a grimace but he manfully stuck to his speech. “I also would like to assure you that the... unprofessional behav-ee-yor I displayed... um... afterwards... will not happen again.”

She raised her eyebrows. “What unprofessional behavior would that be?” she asked, blinking.

She watched as the tips of his ears slowly turned dark pink. “Well, that would be the... uh... the... ” his adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “...kiss.” He blinked and cleared his throat. “I regret any inconvenience my actions may have caused you with your beef-headed boyfriend.”

Roxanne could feel her hands clenching into fists again at this business-like apology. He wasn’t even looking at her now. His gaze darted around to various points of the walls, the double doors, her shoulder, and the top of her head. “Well, he didn’t see it, and I didn’t mention it. So, no,” she said.

His adam’s apple bobbed up and down again. “Good. Good. I assumed as much, since he didn’t plaster me all over the wall.” He clasped his hands behind his back again and addressed a space somewhere past her right ear. “I hope that it will not affect our working relationship,” he said briskly.

“Our working relationship,” she said in a flat voice.

His eyes finally met hers. “Precisely. Your participation in my grand designs is invaluable, and I...”

“Metro Man and I are not dating.” She smoothed her bangs back, wondering how he would handle this bombshell.

“I assure...I hope...I...” His mouth contined working for a few more seconds before his ears caught up and he stammered to a halt.

She didn’t know what to expect, but she certainly wasn’t expecting a look of dismay to wash over his face.

“The two of you broke up? When did that happen?” he cried. “I’ve been watching the news, how did I miss it?”

“We didn’t break up! We were never dating!” she shouted.

His mouth hung open. “What, never? What’s wrong with him?”

“What difference does it make?” she cried.

He paced back and forth a few steps. “Inconceivable,” he muttered, almost to himself. “The fool.” He frowned at her. “So is he impotent? Deformed? Even stupider than I ever imagined?”

Roxanne felt a bitter laugh come out of her. He was fishing for information to use against his opponent. “No, wait, okay, I get it,” she said with a fierce smile. “Your stupid little power game is the only thing that’s important to you.”

He stiffened. “That is not true.”

“And now that one of the pieces is missing, your game’s ruined.”

“I am just trying to understand,” he said, holding up one of his hands and pinching his fingertips together. “How any man could not want to be with you.”

She was sick of his empty compliments. Her throat hurt and she didn’t know why. “All I am is a pawn. Well, this pawn is done,” she said, pointing at herself.

She supposed it wouldn’t make any difference. He could kidnap her at any time, but she wasn’t going to play along anymore. No more banter, no more flirting. She wasn’t going to show him anything but the contempt he deserved.

She began pulling the door closed but he grabbed it, shoving one of his heels against it so she couldn’t drag it shut. “That’s not it at all! You’re no pawn,” he cried.

She kicked him in the ankle. “Ow!” he yelped, pulling his foot back. She yanked on the door again but he braced his shoulder against the frame and kept her from slamming it. “If you’re not part of the plan I won’t get to see you anymore! I need you!”

Her eyes widened and she drew a shaky breath.

He stared at her, his eyes frantic, lips slightly parted, and then he swallowed hard. “I... I mean...I need you for... I mean...” He squeezed his eyes shut and hung his head, slumping against the door.

Roxanne looked at the top of his bowed head. ‘I need you’ could just mean that he needed her in his stupid plans. But it was the way he said those words, with such desperation.

He straightened, and his big green eyes were so open and yearning, they made her heart ache. He searched her face. “If you’re not the Damsel, you won’t be in the picture any longer. When would I get to see you?”

 _I really should not be doing this,_ Roxanne scolded herself, heart pounding. _Remember Anne Hemings._

What she should do was tell him to get lost, pull the door out of his hands, and slam it. That was the the correct course of action for a Damsel. He would not prevent her from shutting it any longer. She could tell that the fight had gone out of him.

 

Only she didn't want to shut the door.

He was so close she could feel the warmth of him on her face. “You need me?” she whispered.

Mute, he nodded.

This was not their usual snide banter, the snarky give and take where they tried to trip each other up. She had never seen him look so vulnerable.

“Everyone thinks Metro Man and I are a couple,” she said quietly. “But the Damsel doesn’t have to be romantically involved with the Defender, anyway.”

“True,” he said hoarsely. “I should have remembered that.” He was very still, as if any sudden movements would result in his immediate explusion, but his eyes searched hers. “You have a way of derailing my thoughts.”

“So you could keep kidnapping me,” she said. “Or you could find another way to see me.” She stepped forward and laid her hands on his shoulders, and he tilted his head for her kiss. Briefly, she wished her breath didn’t smell like chicken, but he wasn’t complaining.

He released the door frame to slide his hands around her waist. This was much nicer than in the Grotto. His lips were warm, and she could feel the faint breath from his nose as it pressed against her cheek. She put her arms over his shoulders, carefully. She already knew from their close quarters in the Grotto that the spikes on his shoulder guards were not really sharp, but they were still kind of knobby.

After a moment he pulled back to look at her. “So, does this mean you want to see me?” he said, sounding so shy she had to giggle.

“Come inside and we’ll talk about it,” she said.

\- - - - - -

There had been very little actual talking, of course, and he’d quickly lost any hint of shyness. He took the precaution of instructing some brainbots to hide the hoverbike. He quickly lost the cape, the spiked shoulder guards (or what he insisted was called a mantle), and his gloves, but other than that they were very good about keeping their clothes on.

A lot of making out, talking in low voices, followed by more making out, while Roxanne wondered if this counted as a first date, and if Megamind would think she was a slut if she suggested they move it into the bedroom.

He never suggested it himself. Later, he admitted that getting to kiss her and hold her was so overwhelming it felt like a miracle, and he didn’t want to press his luck.

Around four a.m. Roxanne was so tired she just had to sleep. They lay on the sofa, Roxanne lying with her head on Megamind’s chest, and dozed. As dawn filtered in through the windows, she woke up as Megamind tried to ease out from under her.

“I have to go,” he whispered.

She curled up on the sofa, feeling rumpled from sleeping in her clothes, but she seized his hand before he could put his gloves back on. “Come back tonight,” she said.

He crouched down by her and stroked her hair. “I can’t,” he said. “I really wish I could, but...” he bit his lip. “How about tomorrow night?”

She arched an eyebrow at him. “Well, why not tonight?”

He grimaced. “I shouldn’t tell you. You could be culpable.”

“Your villainous empire needs your attention? Or...” she raised a teasing eyebrow. “Ashamed to be seen with me?”

He smiled. “Never. Though I suppose you were about to run and tell all your friends about me?”

“Er...” she said, stalling.

His smile widened into a wicked grin and he kissed her full on the lips. “This will be our little secret,” he said, cupping her face and stroking her cheek with his thumb, eyes gleaming with mischief. “Think of the fun we’ll have. Only we will know.”

\- - - - - -

She spent the rest of that day in a happy, exhausted glow, though when night fell and she came home again she found herself hoping he would turn up after all. He didn’t, of course.

Off committing crimes, or building more evil inventions, or whatever he was doing. This thought did nothing to decrease her desire.

By morning she was a wreck, her stomach a knot of anxiety. The rest of that day was an endless hell. She told herself to take it slow, but by the time he came to her place again the following night, he practically leaped off the hoverbike almost before it came to a stop, his face burning with intensity, and her resolve evaporated.

She flew into his arms. And that was the end of his virginity.

\- - - - - - -

The month passed in a whirl of heat. She prided herself on being an honest person, but the secrecy of their relationship added a lot of spice.

She spent her days working as diligently as ever, but all the while her mind was on the nights, counting the hours until Megamind came to her. It wasn’t every night, thank goodness, or she would have had to give up sleep entirely.

Roxanne sometimes caught a foolish grin tugging at her mouth, which did not go unnoticed. Her co-workers teased her; Metro Man must be keeping her pretty happy lately.

She wasn’t cheating on a husband or boyfriend, but in a way, she was cheating on the city. Damsels were not required to be romantically involved with a city’s Defender, but dating a super-villain was a huge, gigantic no-no. It was written up in the rules, even.

She knew it was wrong, and had several sessions of guilt-riddled mental angst with herself, but when she was with Megamind, all guilt and doubt fell away. It didn’t _feel_ wrong. She was certain that her actions weren’t entirely rational, but she could no more resist Megamind than she could stop the sun from rising in the east.

\- - - - - -

She started from her thoughts as Megamind’s wrist communicator went off. Minion’s voice floated into the room. “Sir? Are you there, Sir?”

Megamind’s head jerked up and he blinked groggily at her before he rolled out of bed and began fumbling at his discarded clothes.

“Oh, S-i-i-i-r,” Minion sang, “Where a-a-a-a-re youuu?”

Teeth bared, Megamind finally yanked a discarded glove from under the dresser and grabbed the wrist comm still on it. “Right here, Minion,” he said a little breathlessly. “What in the name of evil heaven is it?”

“Just thought I’d go out and get some breakfast. Where are you, Sir? You’re not in the lab or your room. But you sound like you just woke up.”

Megamind was pulling on what Roxanne thought of as the bottom half of his longjohns. “That’s because... I’m at the Gregor Street hideout. Needed to check on the place.”

“Really? Well, that’s good, because I was planning on restocking the fridge there. What do we need, Sir?”

Megamind cast an exasperated look at Roxanne, who had her hands over her mouth to stifle a giggle. “Just get everything you’d get for the Lair.”

“Oh, but it would really help if you could tell me what’s already there, Sir,” Minion said.

Roxanne put her arms over her head and stretched. When she opened her eyes again, Megamind was staring at her, transfixed, his pants half way up his knees.

“Sir? Sir?”

He blinked and touched the button on the wrist comm. “Uh... come again? Didn’t copy.”

Roxanne snorted and bit her lip.

“What was that?” Minion asked.

“The TV.”

“I thought it was broken.”

“I fixed it, of course. I thought you were going to take my order, not give me the third degree,” Megamind snapped, pulling his pants all the way on.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sir, but I thought you were going to throw it out, it was so old.”

“Just get a box of assorted donuts, a dozen, frosted, sprinkles on half of them,” he said, yanking his undershirt over his head and walking out of the bedroom.

Roxanne got up and put on her robe. When she walked out into the living room she saw that Megamind was at the refrigerator, idly moving the door back and forth with his elbow while he held the comm up to his mouth and held down the talk button. His eyes were closed. “...and a jar of olives. Why are those even in there? I hate olives.” He shoved the door closed.

“Have to put in stuff that’ll keep.”

“Those olives will keep, all right. Forever,” Megamind grumbled.

“Okay, got it,” Minion said cheerfully. “I know just what to get. Meet you back at the Lair!”

Megamind clicked off the comm. With a sigh he walked over to Roxanne, sliding his hands up her back.

“You just gave him the contents of my fridge,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“No, I was remembering. Told him what was in the Gregor Street hideout fridge,” he said, tapping the side of his head with a smug look before putting his hand on her back again. “But I needed the sound of a refrigerator opening and closing.”

“You need to get going?” Roxanne said.

“Yeeeee-es,” he groaned, dropping his head onto her shoulder. “I have to go over to Gregor Street to make it look like I’ve been there.” His hand caressed her hip. “You really shouldn’t stretch like that when I’m in the room.”

She giggled. “You are so easy.”

“If I ever get tired of looking at you, you can shoot me in the head.”

“How many lairs do you have, anyway?”

“In addition to Ee-vil Lair, I maintain three secondary lairs, in case of emergency.”

“Will you give me a tour of those, next?” She’d enjoyed the tour of Evil Lair. Minion had been out of town on a buying mission. She and Megamind had made love in three different areas. It was quite the weekend.

He smiled at her from half-closed eyes, no doubt remembering that weekend as well. “Of course.”

\- - - - - - - - -

Minion pushed the swivel chair back from the monitors and stood up. “That’ll teach him to lie to me,” he said with an evil smirk.

“Bowg-bowg."

Minion gave the brainbot a startled look. “Passive-aggressive? Who, me? Eh, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, and went out to get the donuts.


	4. Chapter 4

Megamind pulled a stool over to a work bench and took the new diguise generator out of the drawer. He could have used Minion’s, but the faithful henchfish might have noticed it was missing. Just a few more finishing touches and then he and Roxanne could go out on the town.

He would take her out to dinner, and then dancing, just like a normal couple. They would both be in disguise to keep her reputation intact, in case they ran into someone she knew. As much as he loved meeting at her apartment, he didn’t want her to feel trapped. She hadn’t so much as sighed wistfully about not being able to go out, but his heart leaped at the way her eyes lit up when he invited her to the Lair. Which, admittedly, had been a spur of the moment sort of thing, but he’d been dying to show her some of his inventions, and with Minion being on a mission in Vancouver to buy some weapons-grade titanium, it was the perfect time.

_Am I not the boss? Why, yes I am, and what Minion doesn’t know won’t hurt him._

Putting down the screwdriver he ran his hand over the workbench. This was the first place in the Lair that they’d Done It. And Done It very well.

\- - - - - - - - - - - -

He’d gotten a lot better since his first fumbling attempts to pleasure her. The first time he was all thumbs, so to speak, and so nervous he couldn’t even get her bra off.

“How many hooks does this thing have?” he’d cried.

She shook with laughter. A stupid grin tugged at his mouth as exasperation gave way to amusement at his ridiculous predicament.

“You need to slow down,” she said with a giggle. “It’s not a race, spaceman. Move over.”

He shifted off her. Arching her back she reached behind and unhooked it. Watching him from under lowered eyelids she slipped off one strap, then the other, and cast it aside. He put his hand on her breast.

“Hey,” she said, touching his cheek so he would look into her eyes. She whispered, “Think of it as...a dance.”

Oh, dancing, well, he was able to get his head around that.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Yes, he’d greatly improved, if he did say so himself.

A few weeks later he’d showed her around the Lair. She ooh-ed and aah-ed over the alligator habitat, gotten acquainted with Spee-ider-bot, and teased him about the Robo-sheep. (“But they’re ridiculous!” “Ah, you mean ridiculously terrifying.” “No, Megs, just ridiculous.” “Well, they’re still in the preliminary stages. Wait until they reach phase two!”)

Eventually they ended up back at this workbench. “So...this is the Lair,” he said, raising his arms to encompass the great, echoing space. “Where the magic happens.”

She smiled and stepped closer. “It could be even more magical,” she said, trailing her fingers down the lightning bolt on his chest.

He embraced her for a kiss, and quickly discovered she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Seizing her luscious rear and hoisting her onto the bench was the only logical course of action.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The intoxicating memory of Roxanne filled his head, her heavy-lidded eyes, her soft skin, her curves, the firmness of her breasts and the feel of her nipple hardening under his thumb...

Shivers of pleasure ran up his back. His hands convulsed and the screwdriver shot onto the floor with a clatter. He shook himself and forcibly turned his attention away from the increasing pressure in his pants. If he didn’t watch it he’d have to go take another cold shower.

With a sigh he leaned over and picked the tool off the floor. How was he supposed to get anything done? With grim determination he focused on the minute wiring of the disguise generator, and gradually the ache in his loins faded.

In his lonely fantasies before they got together, he’d while away the nights imagining hours of constant lovemaking, and there was plenty of that, but in reality there was also a lot of downtime. These in-between times were just as marvellous in their own way, the intimacy they had was on a level he’d never shared with anyone else, not even Minion. They lay quietly together or talked and laughed about everything.

Almost everything. One or two topics just never came up. Just a few. Well, actually, there were several subjects they avoided.

Occasionally the specter of Jane Hemings, former Damsel and now living in disgrace, haunted him. Megamind pressed his lips together in a thin line as he peered through the magnifying glass and inserted the brace for the tiny lithium battery into the casing. He was nothing like that smarmy El Diablo.

Megamind was determined that Roxanne would never doubt his love for her, which may have been why he might have been a little too quick about offering her free run of his Lair, his biggest and arguably most important secret, the base from which he was able to live in relative safety and conduct his brilliant plans for the takeover of the city. He never regretted it, never felt even the slightest unease about doing so. He trusted her completely, which, if he were in a more rational frame of mind, he might have wondered about, but in his state of being completely smitten, it seemed only right and natural to bring the woman he loved into his home.

Minion, now, Minion would be a wet blanket about the whole thing. _I mean...it’s not like I’m never going to tell him._ After all, he planned on making her his bride, and once she became his Evil Queen, Minion would be overjoyed and welcome her with open arms, and all would be set right. It was just taking a while to convince her to marry him, that was all.

When she said she planned to bow out of the Damsel job, he blithely declared he didn’t care, it was all fine with him, anything she wanted to do he supported one hundred per cent, but it caused a turmoil of conflicting emotions within him. On the one hand he wondered if it meant she would accept his offer of marriage, which caused little ripples of glee to run through him. But she steadfastly rejected all his proposals. Maybe he was being too flippant. She might think he was joking around. Next time he ought to get a ring, to show his true intentions.

On the other hand, if she quit, then Metro Dunce would find some other unfortunate woman to foist his attentions upon, and then Megamind, as the undisputed top supervillain of Metrocity, would be honor-bound to kidnap her and draw the hero out into battle. It was too bad Mr. Goody Two-shoes didn’t have any young female relatives to fill the role. There was his mother, but the role of Damsel was very discriminatory in some ways, and reserved for the young. It wasn’t in the rulebook, but no city had ever had a Damsel over the age of 40. Not even the Damsels who ended up married to their city’s Defenders managed to hang on to the role. Once they got into their forties, it was sayonara.

Roxanne would most likely be shunted out of Damselhood anyway in a few years, but she’d made it clear that she’d had enough of being used as a pawn in their super games. The thought of breaking in a new kidnappee was sobering, and rather tiring. Roxanne was so good at it, so willful and sarcastic, but if he kidnapped her one more time, she said, she would leave him. He didn’t dare test her resolve on the matter.

He straightened up from where he hunched over the magnifying glass, and rubbed his neck as another worry nagged at him. If others found out about their relationship...if other people knew, other people with their disapproving, judgmental ways... She would be ostracised. The media would eviscerate her. And it would be all his fault.

Suddenly he felt like an utter heel. He was a bad influence, and liable to ruin her life.

Scowling, he bent over the holo-watch again. Well, so what? He was a villain, after all. What was he supposed to do, break up with her for her own good? Ha! No way!

Getting dragged through the metaphorical mud happened to him all the time, but he was used to that crap, expected it, thrived on it, even. If the news cycle didn’t have some item circulating about his dastardly, evil ways, then something was wrong with the world, but if it happened to Roxanne...

He had no doubt that she loved him, but that kind of exposure could really put the kibosh on the ol’ romance. Countless failed Hollywood marriages were testament to that.

Dark, ee-vil plans filtered through his brain as an alternative outcome presented itself. Perhaps a media frenzy would sour her on Metrocity, and encourage her to become his Evil Queen. Maybe, if he were discreet, he could find a way to reveal their secret. All without Roxanne finding out it was him, of course.

There would be outcry, and public humiliation. Roxanne would come to him, weeping, but once her tears dried she would agree to marry him, and they would rule Metrocity together...

The idea made his mouth water, but there were a few problems. First of all, Roxanne was not the weeping type. Secondly, he had a feeling that getting her to turn on Metro Mahn would be problematic. She’d made one or two wry comments about how she wished he would quit trying to destroy her friend Wayne.

Thirdly, if she ever found out the truth, she would KILL him. If she were truly his Evil Queen by then, she would have a large number of methods at her disposal for accomplishing this. Fourthly, she would break up with him, which was infinitely worse.

He preferred to turn her to the dark side with her full cooperation. To corrupt her behind her back was just too underhanded. Somehow there was something not quite right with this thought, but he brushed it aside.

It was better, for now, to continue on as they were. He had to seize happiness for as long as it lasted. If the secret was out, even if he did his best to hide it and had nothing to do with exposing their true relationship, what if she were so badly hurt by public scrutiny that she blamed him for ruining her life? His chest grew tight and the breath harshened in his throat. She had a lot to lose: a successful career, the esteem of friends and family, the adoration of the populace as the Damsel of Metrocity.

It was a delicate balance of keeping the whole thing as quiet as possible. The universe might catch on that he was actually happy for once, and exact some sort of cosmic vengeance on him. Supervillains were not made for happy endings. Which meant hiding it from everybody, even from Minion. For now, anyway. Until the time was right.

He was certain he’d know the right time when he saw it.

In the meantime, he would do everything in his power to assure Roxanne of his undying affection, by giving her everything he had, or as near to everything as he felt she could handle without breaking up with him in horror. No doubt she would disapprove of most of his criminal activities. But the smuggling and thievery, the money laundering, the computer hacking, the occasional tussles with other criminals and supervillains, not to mention the attacks on Metro Man, were all essential components of his status as top dog of Metrocity’s criminal underbelly, and the future Overlord of the entire city. Maybe he could sort of introduce his enterprises to her gradually, to sort of cut down the shock value.

She was no fool, obviously, she knew he was a crook. All she’d said so far was to never give her anything that had been stolen. He was a little hazy on whether it was all right to give her things that he’d bought with stolen cash. He was relieved that she hadn’t grilled him. She probably could get him to confess everything if she put her mind to it.

It wasn’t like all his money was ill-gotten. The patents and interest accrued from (relatively) legitimate investments brought in a tidy sum, though not quite enough to maintain his empire. Rocket launchers and computer chips didn’t grow on trees, and there was much that he couldn’t manufacture.

The holo-watch, built with his own hands, was a perfect gift. Next, he would start work on a de-gun for her. That would impress her. Even Minion didn’t have one. It was only fitting that his bride-to-be should wield a weapon to match his own.

As he picked out the screws for the backing, he heard a familiar metal footfall behind him.

He tensed slightly. He’d waited specifically for a time when Minion would be busy cleaning the laundry room in the basement, so he wouldn’t wonder about the new holo-watch. Minion had finished early.

Megamind made himself relax. What did it matter? Nothing wrong with an extra disguise generator or two around the place.

“New holo-watch, Sir?”

“Indeed. We could use a few spares.” Megamind finished tightening the final screw. He strapped it on his wrist and stood up. “Say something so it can record your voice,” he said, activating the record feature.

“Um... daydream believer.”

Megamind snorted and gave him a brief sideways glance. “Listening to the Monkees again?” He turned the dial and pale blue laser lights ran over Minion. Another spin of the dial, and blue-white light flickered over Megamind.

Two Minions occupied the room. Megamind smiled down at his own hairy gorilla arms and massive chest. “Works good, Sir!” he said brightly.

“Hey, I don’t sound like that,” the real Minion protested, putting his hands on his hips.

“Wanna bet?” Megamind chuckled and turned off the hologram. Unbuckling it from his wrist he scooped up the little tool set. He opened the drawer to put the tools away, and, instead of putting the holo-watch into the drawer, he slipped it into his belt, using his cape as cover to hide the manuever from Minion.

He planned to meet Roxanne for lunch today and surprise her with his gift. He’d thought of a way for them to get together during the day, and it was ridiculously simple.

Standing and stretching he walked away, his steps echoing as he crossed the Lair. Minion padded after him. “The thing is, Sir, we got a problem. Nick and Dickie Rackham opened a music store as a front for a fencing business. Next to Wentz Bakery.”

Megamind gave him a sharp look. “How long has that been going on?”

“Since your last prison visit.”

“Fools. Well, tonight take a brainbot squad, two brutebots, and your pick of weapons, string them up by their ankles from the nearest light pole, seize all assets, firebomb the place, et cetera, et al, ad infinitum. You know the drill. Spare the bakery. In fact, we haven’t had any cheese danishes in a while, pick up a few on the way home.”

Minion cleared his throat. “Erm...”

“What now?” Megamind sighed, pausing by the monitors to change stations. The News at Eleven for Channel 7 was starting. He brought up KMCP, NBC, and the underground show Evil Now!, but that particular monitor continued to show a blank screen. The forces of good were constantly messing with Station 666’s satellite signals. The station itself was owned by a billionaire in Jersey City, and untouchable.

“Well, it’s just that this needs your personal attention, Sir. ‘Cause you said that if they invaded your turf again, you’d kick their butts back across the east side. Personally. So, we raid ‘em tonight?”

Drat. He had said that, hadn’t he? He bit his lip. This kind of thing could last until after one o’clock in the morning. Terrorize the Brothers Rackham, get back to the Lair, shower, try to get together with Roxanne...he’d be running all over town, and there was dinner shot. The clubs would still be open, but she might be too tired for dancing by then.

“This’ll be great!” Minion said cheerfully. “You’ve been in the clink a lot lately, people have short memories. You can show ‘em who’s who. Guys on the street might think you lost your edge, unless you...”

“My edge.” Megamind straightened. Slowly he turned and fixed Minion with a cold glare. “Are ‘guys on the street’ talking? Who says I’ve ‘lost my edge’?” Quote marks clipped into place like bullets into a chamber.

Minion tapped his fingertips together. “Um...well...no, not...nobody really. But...you know...gotta keep up appearances.”

“How about you, Minion?” he asked in the same cold voice, raising his chin. “Do you think I’ve lost my edge?”

Minion laughed nervously “Aheheheh. Of course not, Sir. No. Absolutely not.”

Megamind released him from his glare and studied the Channel 7 monitor, showing the traffic reports. “My time is too valuable to waste it chasing after those peons, Minion. I trust you can take care of the Rackhams. See to it.”

Minion sighed. “Okay, Sir. But, just one more thing. I was wondering when the Rat-bots would be ready to go. We got their squeaks worked out.”

Megamind sighed. A number of ee-vil plans were gathering dust, though the plan to flood the city with giant mechanical rodents was closest to completion. “I’m not satisfied with the mix. Let’s get some eagle screams worked in.”

“How about the Deadly Donkey?”

“That’s for Cinco de Mayhem. Next year, filet mignon.”

“Well, if you could set up a timetable for the next battle, Sir, that would really help. Because it seems like we’re running behind schedule.”

Megamind turned on his heel and made a bee line for the kitchen. Minion padded determinedly after him. “Then I’d have some idea how long it’ll be. For how it’ll go. And I need to coordinate the kidnapping, so I can make sure to get back in time to assist you.”

“Oh. Yes. The next kidnappping.” Megamind’s heart rate increased a notch. He opened and shut several cupboards. “Ah. About that. It won’t be necessary. We should leave Miss Ritchi out of this one.”

“What? Why?”

Megamind ripped open a new box of Pop Tarts, cherry flavored. “I’m thinking the whole Damsel in Distress scen-ah-rio has had its day. Run its course. Time for a new direction.” Tearing open the package he pulled out one of the Pop Tarts and bit off a corner. Damn. He’d meant to put it in the toaster but Minion was gaping at him, _gaping._

Angrily he chomped off another corner. “What’s the matter?” he snapped, mouth full. “You look like you’ve been stranded outside the containment unit.” Minion shook his fins.

“What direction would that be, Sir? You mean a new kidnapping victim?”

He filled up a glass from the faucet before answering. “I was thinking more along the lines of a simple confrontation, just like it was in the old days, Mr. Goody Two-shoes and myself, head to head, no Damsels getting in the way.”

“But you said Miss Ritchi was essential to your plans. Indispensable. The pinnacle and focal point of every...”

“Well, this is what I’m saying now, Minion,” Megamind said testily. “We don’t need to go around kidnapping Miss Ritchi every which way. From now on it’s just the purity of a straightforward battle, from which I will emerge triumphant!” He took another drink of water, trying to ignore Minion, who, irritatingly, was still gawking at him as if he’d lost his mind.

“Wow,” Minion said. “Just. Wow. I never thought I’d see the day when...”

Megamind slammed the glass down on the counter. “I don’t see why this is so difficult to understand! If I say we don’t need to kidnap Miss Ritchi anymore, then we don’t. End of story.” He strode out of the kitchen with a swirl of the cape.

Minion watched him stride away into the darkness of the Lair. A kitchen-bot emerged with a dust pan and a whisk broom. “No, I got it,” he said, taking the dust pan and broom from it. “Even worse than I thought,” he muttered. Sir must have promised not to kidnap her anymore.

Minion had very nearly confronted him. _So how long have you been seeing her?_ was on the tip of his tongue, but he’d chickened out. Sir had issued a specific threat against those dirtbag Rackhams, who were well-known associates of the vile Psycho Delic, and was failing to follow through. And no more Damsel kidnappings?

This was serious. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he knew he would have to do it soon.


	5. Chapter 5

Roxanne fiddled a pen between her fingers. Her boss had done her the favor of clearing her schedule the week of the Damsel’s Convention, so now there was no real reason for her not to go. Unless she was willing to tell him that she was quitting the Damsel business. No, she definitely wasn’t ready for that. So she’d forced a smile onto her face and thanked him, and got the heck out of his office.

  
What was she so scared of, anyway?

  
She bit her lip as the truth sunk in. She was scared, damn it. Too reluctant to face the scorn of the public if her relationship with Megamind was revealed. The condemnation, the whispers. “Oh, yeah, just like that poor girl from San Antonio.” Only it wouldn’t be whispers, of course, it’d be self-righteous articles in every magazine and newspaper and website in the country. The social media sites would be the worst. She didn’t want to even think about what the other Damsels would say. Some of them were her friends, even if she only saw them at the Convention.

  
Pushing her bangs out of her eyes she tried to go over the opinion piece on the city’s schools that she’d written.

  
What had she gotten into? Fallen for the villain and no one to blame but herself. He was just so funny and smart and sexy. Shit. Was it the sex? Was she really so shallow? But she didn’t think so. She’d never had such strong feelings about her other boyfriends. He really was fun, now that he was no longer dragging her into his stupid takeover schemes.

  
\- - - - - - - - - - - -

  
Like last time, they were sitting on the couch sharing a box of chocolates which he’d brought her, and for which he’d proudly displayed the receipt, proving that it had been legally purchased.

  
He was making so many appreciative noises while he ate that she hinted maybe he was enjoying the candy a little _too_ much. Then he really hammed it up, groaning and rolling his eyes, until she fell over onto the cushions with laughter.  
He cast a wicked grin at her. “But you know what I find even tastier?” he murmured, crawling toward her, over her legs and belly until they were eye to eye, and he lay his lean body upon hers, lightly running his mouth across the side of her neck...

  
\- - - - - - - - -

  
She closed her eyes and squirmed in her seat. She passed a hand over her flushed cheek. She really had it bad. She found herself worrying about him when she didn’t hear from him for a few days, wondering if he was out getting into trouble, tangling with other villains or the cops or Metro Man, maybe collecting fresh scars.

  
_I wish he’d get a cell phone. Or maybe he could make a secret communicator for me, like his, one that Minion doesn’t know about._

  
She shook her head and glared at the computer screen. She’d better get him off her mind or soon she wouldn’t have a job anymore. But, dang it, she thought she heard...

  
She stiffened.

Oh no, that _was_ his voice, and Hal’s! Coming closer to her cubicle. Her mind took frantic stock of the situation. No shrieks, cries of alarm, or barking brainbots, so it wasn’t a kidnapping. Besides, she’d warned him, no more of that, or else it was over. The main problem being that she didn’t think she would be able to follow through on her threat if he did try it again.  
At least not for good. She’d probably be pissed off enough to break up with him for a while, but she had a sinking feeling that she’d take him back.

  
He must be using the disguise generator, that was the only explanation for why he and Hal sounded like they were having a casual conversation.

  
“...right over here. Hey, I been to Montreal once, when I was a kid,” said Hal. “There anything fun to do there?”

  
“Oh, yes, loads of fun. The city boasts some of the best shooting ranges,” said Megamind.

  
Roxanne turned in her chair, clenching the pen. Hal appeared around the corner, looking a little nonplussed. “Hey, Roxaroo. Guess who’s in town.”

  
A brown-haired stranger wearing glasses and a faint smirk stopped next to Hal. The smile widened at the sight of her. “Roxanne,” he cried, and came into the cubicle with his arms open. “How’s my favorite cousin?”

  
A stiff smile plastered over her own face, she stood up quickly. “Hi-i-i-i,” she said breathlessly. Cousin? What the hell was she supposed to call him? He embraced her in a brief hug and planted a chaste kiss on her cheek, or mostly chaste; it seemed to her that he lingered just a little too long, his warm lips pressing against her.Despite herself a shiver ran up her back.

  
“So good to see you again,” he said, his eyes twinkling.

  
She managed to glare and smile at him at the same time. He smiled innocently back. She turned to Hal. “Thanks, Hal, for showing him to my...”

  
“So, this guy’s really your cousin? From out of town?” Hal had a funny sideways smile on his face. His voice carried a hint of a whine, either jealous that some strange dude was going to be spending time with her, or disappointed that it wasn’t some random stranger who had sneaked into the newsroom.

  
Damn it. As dense as he was, Hal showed an annoying ability to pick up on subtle cues that something wasn’t quite what it should be, even if he usually came to conclusions that were completely off base. Like the time he thought the new mailman was stalking her.

  
She clucked her tongue. “Hal, I think I know my own family members.”

  
He backed away, holding his hands up. “Okay, okay. I just wondered.” He still had a petulant look on his face. “See you around, uh...it was Neil, wasn’t it?”

  
“That’s right. The name’s Neil,” Megamind said with a big smile. “Neil Hambly. From Montreal. Neil.”

  
Roxanne resisted the urge to shove an elbow in his side. “I was just about to grab some lunch.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the cubicle. She nodded briskly at her co-workers and marched right ahead, towing ‘Neil’ along with her for most of the length of the hall, before she realized she shouldn’t be charging out of there as if she had something to hide. She released his arm and slowed down, forcing herself to relax.

  
Megamind put his hands behind his back and hummed under his breath. She glanced at him, giving him a stern look. He waggled an eyebrow at her. She stifled a giggle. They were parading around in full sight, and no one was the wiser.

  
“So, Neil, when did you get into town? You should have called first,” she said. “Really. You should have called.”

  
“I wanted to surprise you. Surprised?”

  
“Extremely.” She tried to give him another stern look that promised retribution later, but she was having trouble keeping down the giggles.

  
She ended up having to introduce him to four more co-workers before they were able to escape. ‘Neil’ vigorously shook hands with everyone, extolled his status as the top salesman for Smith and Wesson, and even handed out business cards.

  
“So, top salesman, eh?” said her boss, Verne, turning the card over in his hand.

  
‘Neil’ nodded. “Been making a killing.”

  
Roxanne knew that Verne was a stalwart opponent of the NRA, and he gave Neil a thoughtful look as if he would like to start a vigorous debate about gun control then and there. Once Verne got going, they could end up standing there until next election day.

  
“Well, see you later,” she said, seizing Megamind’s arm and heading for the nearest exit. As soon as the door closed on her curious co-workers she jabbed a finger at him. “You better watch yourself,” she said as they went down the stairs. “You’re going to get me in trouble. And that was the worst pun I ever heard.”

  
He did a lousy job of making his face serious. “You’re right. Unforgivable.”

  
“I’m going to have some explaining to do if my real cousin Neil decides to drop by.”

  
“You mean the second cousin who moved to Scotland and hasn’t been back in five years? Yep. Very worrying,” he said.

  
She glared at him, wondering how he knew that. He returned her gaze calmly, though his self-satisfied smirk widened. Of course he must have done some digging. He probably knew more about her family tree than she did. “And what happens if someone decides to call that number on your card?”

  
He chuckled. “If anyone is so suspicious that they even bother to investigate, they’ll get an answering service.”

  
Roxanne made an exasperated noise. “What am I going to do with you?”

  
He clasped a hand to his mouth. “Hmmmm. What to do, what to do,” he muttered, forehead wrinkled as if trying to solve some advanced calculus. “Perhaps you could join me incognito?”

  
With a wave of his hand he produced another holo-watch from an inner pocket, and Roxanne gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. “For me?” At his smug nod she grabbed it and strapped it on. “This doesn’t make it all right,” she said, holding it up to examine it, but her eyes danced with mischief.

  
\- - - - - - - - - -

  
They walked through the park. Now Roxanne was in disguise too, as a blonde businesswoman in a severe gray skirt and blazer. She tossed her long hair. “I can’t believe this,” she said, giving Megamind a happy smile. “It feels just like real hair!” She swished her head, making her long, lustrous hair, manufactured completely from the holographic projection, whip back and forth.

  
He chuckled and rubbed his nose as the flying hair tickled him.

  
“And you are really wearing gloves, aren’t you?” she said, holding up his apparently bare, pale hand. “Just like real skin!”

  
His grin widened. “Yes, my love.” He raised the back of her disguised hand to kiss it. “The wonders of hard-light technology.”

  
She shot him a mischieveous look. “So you like how I look this way, is that it?”

  
“Ahhh, that sounds like a trap to me,” he said, holding up the hand that held the takeout bag and wagging a finger. “You were the one who chose this disguise. I submit ‘no comment’ as my reply.” He’d encouraged her to choose the woman she wanted to disguise herself as, because no way was he going to make that call. He was no fool. Countless magazine articles and TV sitcoms harped on the problems that cropped up if a man so much as hinted that he noticed another woman’s attractiveness, even in a purely disinterested, factual way. He wasn’t even attracted to other women, though he was well aware of conventional beauty standards. No other woman made his heart race like Roxanne did.

  
“I have to go to the Damsel’s Convention after all,” she said. “I told my boss I would be too busy, and he said, ‘oh, but I already cleared your schedule for the week.’ And it is good publicity for the city, for tourism. I can tell everyone about the parts of the city that haven’t gotten trampled by giant robots.”

  
“Are there areas that haven’t gotten trampled yet?” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Then I haven’t been doing my job. But how long would you be gone?”

  
“Just Friday and Saturday. I’ll be back in town Saturday night. There’s some kind of Sunday morning farewell breakfast for everyone, but I’d just as soon skip it.”

  
He relaxed. Good. They could still go out tonight. “Perhaps you’d like some company to the Convention?”

  
“Well, Hal will be coming along for the first day. I’m doing a short informational piece.”

  
“Say no more, I could come along.”

  
“I don’t think so, sweetie. It’s not the sort of thing anyone drags their out-of-town cousins to.”

  
“I could go as Hal. Then I... is something wrong?”

  
Roxanne had given a snort of laughter. “Noooo. No no no. Not Hal.” She gave a delicate shudder.

  
“It wouldn’t be a problem,” he said, wondering at her reaction. “A simple matter of dehydrating him for the weekend.”

  
She shook her head again, grimacing. She couldn’t stand the thought of Megamind disguising himself as Hal and subtly flirting with her, as he was certain to do. The thought of it was just...bleah. Not as Hal.

  
He gave her another look. If she didn’t want him along because she worried he’d be a distraction, well, that was one thing, because he fully planned to be, but her reaction bordered on revulsion. “Is Hal a... problem?”

  
She studied him. There was an edge to his voice and a gleam in his green eyes that suggested that if Hal was a problem, then he, Megamind, would solve it for her. “Just out of curiosity,” she said “What would you do? Nothing drastic, I hope.”

  
He shrugged. “There are ways and means of making a person’s life miserable. So miserable he would want to take employment elsewhere. In another town, another state, perhaps.”

  
She looked ahead at the path, lightly swinging their hands, feeling a grin stretching out her cheeks, and, for a brief, sweet moment, reveled in an entirely inappropriate feeling of power. Maybe he’d even do something about that upstart junior reporter Audrey Langdon who was always talking about her behind her back, or that heckler who’d given her grief last month, at the live broadcast of the re-opening of the Southdale Mall.

  
Watch out, everyone, I’ve got a super-villain boyfriend and I’m not afraid to use him!

  
She shook her head to restore her sanity, and entwined her fingers with his. “Hal is not a problem,” she said, looking him in the eye. “He’s a nuisance. Irritating, loud, boorish. But not a problem. Really.”

  
He sighed. “You are too good for your own good, Miss Ritchi.”

  
They chose a bench in the sun to enjoy their burgers.

  
“We can go out dancing tonight, at the Shack,” he said.

  
Roxanne hastily swallowed what she’d been chewing. “I love that place! If we can even get in.”

  
He smirked. “I think I can get us in.”

  
But then her face fell. “Oh, but, like this?” She waved a hand at her borrowed persona.

  
He cocked his head. “Er. Yes? Unless you’d like to find another woman to go as.”

  
“What I mean is, can the disguise generator change my outfit? I’d look a little odd going dancing in a suit.”

  
“Oh. No, it can’t.” He hadn’t thought of that. He chewed his lip. “We can look around a little more, see if we can find someone with an outfit you like.” He would have to spend some time making modifications. That would be a handy feature for the holo-watch, to enable one to change outfits with a turn of the dial but without changing the basic disguise. He might need a couple of days to program such a complex feature and wouldn’t be ready by tonight.

  
“No, I guess this’ll be fine for tonight. I don’t think we’ll get kicked out just for my clothes.”

  
On the way back to the main street they took a little detour into a stand of bushes surrounded by trees, and turned off the disguises. She felt her heart beat faster as he was revealed in his black-leathered splendor, and she embraced him, sliding her hands up his back under the cape.

  
He returned the hug with enthusiasm, relieved to hold her at last. He’d felt like giving her a kiss earlier, but somehow he couldn’t do it when she was in disguise. He knew, logically, that it was really her under the blonde woman’s features, but it still almost felt like cheating,

  
The street noise was far enough away and the sun dappled through the leaves of their little hideaway, and it felt so good to hold her in his arms, out under the sky, but hidden from view. Maybe it was the most open they could be about their relationship. Maybe this was the best he could hope for.

  
No, he couldn’t accept that.

  
Their lips parted with a soft sound and he ran his mouth and nose over her cheek. Her skin smelled different, warmed by the sun. He nuzzled her, inhaling deeply. “I love you,” he said.

  
She ran her fingers over the back of his neck. “I love you, too,” she said in hushed tones.

  
He took her other hand and pressed a kiss into her palm. “You must be mine. Marry me,” he whispered.

  
“I am not going to rule the city as Evil Queen or mayor or anything else,” she said, cupping his cheek.

  
“Then don’t. I’ll rule. You pursue your chosen career. I’ll give you KMCP. All the TV stations. They will be under your control.” He shouldn’t have brought marriage up again so soon, not without the ring, but impatience got the better of him. Letting her off the Evil Queen hook had come to him suddenly, and seemed a reasonable solution to their dilemma. She didn’t want the burden of leadership? No problem.

  
She laughed softly. “I don’t think I would like that.”

  
“I must give you something. Let me give you your heart’s desire.”

  
“Nothing that’s been stolen, remember? Somehow I don’t think you’re going to buy all those stations.”

  
He made a moan of frustration and buried his face in her neck, kissing down her throat, moving lower, brushing his nose and mouth over the cloth, over the swell of her breasts. “Why do you have to be so good?”

  
She closed her eyes, trembling. She ran her hands over the smooth dome of his head, but when he began to pull her shirt out of her waistline she stopped him, grabbing his wrists. “Well, why do you have to be so evil?” she said a little testily. Not because she wanted him to stop, but another few seconds of his ministrations and she wouldn’t be able to think straight. She was already thinking about how his cape would make a suitable blanket, and they could lie down on it... Probably a good thing there were so many twigs on the ground in this spot. It wouldn’t be very comfortable.

  
She stepped away from his slack hands, albeit reluctantly, and stuffed the ends of her shirt back into place. She glanced at her watch, the real one, not the holo-watch, which, she noticed, was twenty minutes off. “Megs, I really need to get back.” She unbuckled the holo-watch and shoved it in her purse, then glanced at Megamind, standing in the shifting leaf-shadow.

  
“What did you say?” he said in a weak voice.

  
“I said I have to get back. Come on.” She frowned. What was the matter with him?

  
“Stop being ee-vil?” he said.

  
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, yeah. Why not?”

  
He stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. “But I am ee-vil. Ee-vil incarnate.” There was an odd lilt to his voice. “It’s kept me alive. Would you have me defenseless?”

  
A chill ran over her and she hugged her stomach, thinking about the scars on his beautiful skin. Despite his boasting about his wild adventures, she had sensed there was more pain under his flippant manner than he was willing to admit to.  
“Wanting to survive doesn’t mean you’re evil,” she said, choosing her words with care. “I didn’t say to throw your weapons and inventions away.”

  
She searched his face. He looked as if the biggest rug in the world had just been yanked out from under him. She was running into similar feelings, like the ground she stood on wasn’t so solid after all.

  
He looked at the ground, mulling over her words. “My destiny,” he said in hushed tones. “My...” He shuddered as if shaking off flies. “My goal is to rule this city. With an iron fist,” he said, but his voice was strained and his gaze was unfocused as if he was trying to remember his lines.

  
“But think about what that really means,” she said, taking a step closer and putting her hand on his arm. His eyes met hers again. “If you succeed, then that means Wayne would be dead. Is that what you want?” His eyes widened slightly, as if the full consequences of his vendetta had never fully registered, though she’d commented on it before.

  
She bit her lip, wondering what was going on in his head. Was there something else in their long rivalry, something beyond their conflict as hero and villain?

  
“You want to give me my heart’s desire?” she said, stroking his cheek. “I think I already have it.”

  
He blinked and put his hand over hers, but didn’t say anything. She squeezed his arm. “Look, I need to get back to the station. Can we talk about this later tonight? At my place?” He nodded. He reactivated his disguise and they left their shelter to go hail a taxi.

  
She reached for his limp hand, giving it a squeeze, and felt an absurd amount of relief when he squeezed back. “You don’t have to come all the way back to the station with me, sweetie,” she said with a smile. A cab pulled up. She looked at him. Megamind hadn’t said a word since donning his disguise. “You know what, I’ll go back late. We should talk some more,” she said, suddenly reluctant to leave him in such an odd, distracted state. “Why don’t we...”

  
“No, no, I’ll be fine,” he said, coming out of his daze. A quick smile brightened his borrowed features. “I’ll come by tonight.”

  
“All right. See you later, then,” she said, with more cheer than she felt, and got into the cab. She turned in her seat to look back. He was still standing by the curb, staring off into space.

She slumped down. _Oh no. I hope he’s not broken._

  
\- - - - - - - - - - - -

  
Megamind brought the hoverbike to a stop and slowly dismounted, looking around the Lair, trying to shake the curious feeling that he’d never seen it before. He absent-mindedly flung a wrench that a frisky brainbot brought to him, then he wandered about, down to the alligator pit, back up to the idea wall and eventually went over to the invisible car. He ran a hand down its smooth length. He drifted from one workbench to another, picking up and discarding various blueprints, and then went over to a tarp-covered invention.

  
One of the robot rats. Normally the thought of an impending battle with Metro Mahn caused a warm, happy glow of excitement to fill his being. Lately he hadn’t been as assiduous about working on his evil plans as he should have been, but the truth of the matter was that he was finding the battle against the forces of good to be a tiresome distraction.

  
Because of Roxanne. She had replaced...replaced something. Filled some void within.

  
His warped reflection looked back at him from the rat’s black digital eyeball. He sniffed and glared at himself. “Why do you have to be so ee-vil?” Goosebumps pricked his skin. Sparks seemed to be dancing through his brain.

  
What if he decided to not be evil at all? What if he didn’t want to be evil anymore?

  
He let the tarp fall. Whirling, his cape flaring out around him, he paced across the Lair, rubbing his hands. The inexorable laws of the universe came to him, then. Villains never win. They don’t save the day. The bad guy doesn’t get the girl. Not without the alteration of one or the other.

  
“Oh my God, I’m being REDEEMED!” His voice bounced off the rafters. Swaying, he wobbled over to the high-backed swivel chair and dropped into it. He wasn’t even upset. Or angry. Or happy. What was this feeling? No, not any one feeling, it was ALL of them. Conflicted! And if it wasn’t really an emotion, it damn well should be!

  
He’d started paying for things he’d once stolen without a second thought, even if they weren’t for Roxanne. He’d stopped kidnapping her. His evil inventions were stagnating in storage. The goodness was creeping in. And he didn’t even mind.

  
Hysterical laughter erupted from him and he walked around hugging his middle while the brainbots watched with curiosity.  
“Don’t worry, my little bots, Daddy’s just having a brief breakdown,” he said, between chuckles.Gasping and wiping his eyes he fell back into the swivel chair.

If he gave up villainy, Roxanne would marry him, and she might even get credited with taming him, which was not far off the mark. What a coup for goodness! City-wide conquest. Bah! Who needed it? Not him! Eventually his hysterical laughter lessened, and he was able to catch his breath.

  
Minion.

  
The thought of his best friend cut off any remaining merriment. What would Minion think? He’d think Sir had lost his marbles, that’s what he’d think. He looked around the Lair again, at the mighty inventions they’d built together. Their accomplishments. Their shared life of evil.

  
Minion must be out, or he would have come around to see what Sir was laughing about. Probably shopping. Or preparing for the night’s havoc against Psycho Delic’s trespassing thugs.

  
Alarm froze him in his seat. Attacking those punks would be bad, wouldn’t it? But they were criminals, and Minion would be driving them out of their place of evil enterprise. So that was good, right? Right? And besides, he couldn’t allow Psycho Delic to horn in on his turf. The drug lord would seek to expand his territory, corrupting more neighborhoods and businesses.

  
Perhaps an anonymous phone call to the police. His lip curled. And they would add it to their list of all the other thousands of anonymous tips, right after the jaywalking violations. By the time those dimwits got a search warrant, Psycho Delic would have taken over the entire south side. Megamind chewed his lip, examining the possible courses of action and weighing their outcomes, and decided that ultimately it was for the good, sending Minion to drive away those interlopers.

  
Minion had cheerfully gone along with the program, supporting every evil plot, plan, and operation. His partner in crime. His most beloved friend who had stuck by him through every scheme. Complimenting, persuading, arguing, complaining, always there to pick up the slack or steer him in a more helpful direction. They’d saved each other’s skins time and again, why, Megamind’s very survival was due to...

  
“Oh, hi, Sir,” Minion said, tromping up behind him. “How’d you like...”

  
“It’s nothing!” Megamind shouted.

  
Minion started back with a yelp.

  
Megamind panted, “I...I mean, oh there you are. Where have you been?” he snapped.

  
Minion silently held up the grocery bags.

  
“Very well, put them away,” he said, flapping his hand.

  
Minion gave him a funny look and started for the kitchen. “Was going to,” he muttered. “Geez. Not gonna leave ‘em sitting on the floor.”

  
Megamind exhaled heavily, and put a hand on his chest, feeling his frantic heartbeat, then padded away to his room.  
It occurred to him that the longer one kept a secret, the harder it was to come clean. And now he had two huge secrets. First Roxanne, and now his change of allegiance. Which meant that Minion would have to switch sides too.

  
Minion would be cool with it. Surely he’d be fine, being a good henchfish. No, there must be a better term than that. Sidekick? No, too heroic. Yikes, no need to get crazy. But he couldn’t worry about Minion right now. He needed to go shopping for a ring.


	6. Chapter 6

 

With a sigh, Lord Kaos, senior member of the Triad who governed the League of Evil, the most exclusive club of evildoers in the country, tossed down the applications for membership. “Not a worthy one in the bunch.” 

Cat Lady nodded, petting the white Persian cat on her lap. “Afraid I have to agree with you, Kaos,” she said. “Honestly, it’s as if every techno geek who can cobble together a ray gun and get his hands on a catsuit thinks he can join. It takes more than a thirst for revenge against the guys who teased you in high school to become a supervillain.”

“I don’t see what’s wrong with that. That’s how I got my start,” Dr. Monocle protested. “It’s a perfectly...”

Cat Lady waved an irritable hand. “Yes, but you at least made a name for yourself before you applied.”

Lord Kaos idly produced an electrical charge and strung it between his fingertips. “Vain, silly children, most of them,” he muttered. “They get younger and stupider every year.” He wove the glowing yellow strands, creating a cat’s cradle with a tiny human figure strung within it. By manipulating certain strands, the figure seemed to writhe in pain.

He wondered if the clean-up efforts of the environmentalists had anything to do with it. There were fewer toxic pools lying around for the foolish to blunder into and acquire unholy powers along with a side order of insanity. 

The intercom buzzed. He extinguished the electricity and pressed the buzzer. “What is it, Prudence? In the middle of work, here.” 

“Sir, there’s a lackey on the line. Says he’s having a problem with his boss.”

Lord Kaos frowned. “A lackey. Problem? What does that have to do with us?”

Dr. Monocle leaned forward. “It’s part of my twelve-step plan for becoming a more proactive organization, L.K., remember? ‘No problem too small, bring your concerns to us, we’re listening.’ We all agreed it was a positive step forward for a more robust evil organization.” He gave his colleagues a reproachful look. “You both said it was a good idea, and gave it full approval.”

Cat Lady and Kaos glanced at each other. “Oh, yes,” she muttered, grimacing. “You remember, Kaos. The new policy, ‘Our Door is Always Open.’ It got sent out in the newsletter.”

He dimly recalled signing a large number of things at the last session. It had been a long meeting. Dr. Monocle had brought up a great many issues, each concern more boring than the last. Lord Kaos would have happily signed his own death warrant at that point if it meant he could get out of there and back to his island fortress. “So now we have to chat with every lackey who doesn’t get leave to go his grandmother’s funeral?”

Dr. Monocle clucked his tongue. “We prefer the term ‘henchman’ or ‘hired muscle’, not lackey. What kind of problem, Prudence? Did he say?”

“Says he’s worried his boss is slipping.”

“Put him through.” Dr. Monocle waved his hand.

A holographic projection appeared in the middle of the table, with an image of a beefy Caucasian man in a standard henchman’s uniform of a black sweatshirt and stocking cap perched on his balding head.

“State your business,” Dr. Monocle snapped as Lord Kaos opened his mouth.

Kaos gave him a sour look. He didn’t care for Monocle. The man used words like ‘proactive’ and ‘restructuring.’ He didn’t like how he kept calling him L.K. as if they were pals. Lord Kaos had no pals.

The man in the holograph shifted his weight. “Um, I’m Joe, a henchfi...a lackey... I mean, I work for Megamind.”

Cat Lady leaned forward, a frown wrinkling her thin brows. “Really? I thought he only kept that fish around.”

“Man’s a pariah,” grumbled Dr. Monocle, whose plastic smile had disappeared upon hearing the name of a rival evil genius. “Doesn’t even have an entourage. Not a real one. Has to build robots to keep him company.”

“Oh, stop pouting, doctor,” Cat Lady said impatiently. “Need I remind you that this was all your idea? ‘Door Always Open?’ Go ahead, dear.”

Joe twined his fingers together. “Well, um. I’m sort of...I get brought in once in a while. Freelancer.”

“For what reason do you interrupt the Triad at its work?” Lord Kaos boomed. 

“I’m sort of worried. It’s a question about alignment.”

“Is this about car repair?” Dr. Monocle said with a sneer. “Needs his wheels aligned on his silly invisible car? I’m not surprised. He does shoddy work in my opinion, he’s hardly...”

Joe bristled. “It’s not about a car! He’s a great mechanic!”

Lord Kaos brought his fist down on the table, making everyone jump. “Silence, Monocle. If there are any questions about who’s a substandard evil genius I don’t think we have to look too far.” 

Dr. Monocle fell back in his chair, sticking out his chinless jaw and folding his arms over his chest. Kaos glared at his sulking colleague for a moment before turning his gimlet gaze back to the fidgeting henchman. “Explain.”

“Well, I’m getting worried he’s not as evil as he used to be. See, there’s this girl...um...”

“What, he’s fallen in love, started to neglect his evil empire?” Kaos said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes, sir, sort of like that, I think.”

“Say no more,” Cat Lady said. “We can get you in touch with an assassin. Once she’s tragically removed from the picture, he will be more evil than ever.”

Joe’s eyes widened. “I was thinking of something less drastic, ma’am. A lot less drastic. Like maybe you could...”

“Then I’ll give you the number of my gigolo, and a private investigator with a telescopic camera lens. Lorenzo is an artiste. Believe me, he’ll have no trouble getting her in a compromising position. Just as effective as tragic death, maybe even moreso.” 

“No, please, no, not that, either!”

“Well, you’re certainly not making this very easy, Joe.” Her claws scraped thin grooves across the table. Her eyes narrowed. “These ideas are golden. I’m not sure you appreciate that.”

“I just want him to go back to the way he was before,” Joe said, looking frantic. “If the Triad warned him that he would lose his premier membership in the League, I’m sure that’ll straighten him right out. He’d be in danger of getting transferred to the Neutral Alliance, right? I heard that happened to Lizard Wrangler.”

Lord Kaos pursed his lips. He glanced at the pile of applications. “I’m wondering if a more robust approach would be better. Our members as a whole have been getting a little lackluster of late.”

Cat Lady nodded. “We were just discussing how shallow the pool of applicants has gotten.”

“Bunch of wannabes,” Dr. Monocle muttered.

“As if just anyone could join. And have we been demanding enough of our members? That is a question,” Cat Lady said.

“Maybe we should make it a little more interesting,” said Kaos, an evil smile twisting his lips. He tapped his fingers on the table. “I propose a contest. Let’s say, for the next month, anyone who can defeat an established member of the League of Evil gets to take his...”

“Or her,” said Cat Lady, raising one sharp-nailed finger.

“I was going to say that,” Kaos said. “Or her place. Immediate full membership in the League without the probationary period. And automatic invitation to the annual banquet, and a free mug.”

“What sort of defeat? Are we talking about death, or sending an opponent off with his tail between his legs?”

“Oh, I think we’ll take it on a case by case basis.”

The image of Joe waved his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! There’s supposed to be a warning letter. Didn’t you guys use to just send out a warning letter? It’s in the rules. Isn’t it?” Joe snatched the League of Evil rulebook from an off-screen table and flipped through it. 

“Well, we’re rewriting the rules,” Dr. Monocle said, skin tightening around his lens as he grinned.

“Temporarily,” said Kaos. “It’ll be a limited time offer.”

Dr. Monocle’s sneer faded. “Er, will the three of us be, you know, eligible? Um... targeted?”

“Oh, we won’t be on the list of targets, of course. We’re the ones running the contest.” Kaos smiled.

“Yes, don’t get your undies in a bunch, Monocle,” Cat Lady purred. “You’re safe. This will be a good way to see which applicants really have what it takes. I’ve been a little suspicious of Megamind. He cackles like nobody’s business, but he barely has any kills to his name at all.”

“We can’t just let any mass murderer join up,” Kaos said. 

“True, but even the Bad News Bandit has a higher body count.”

Dr. Monocle muttered, “I could have a robot army if I wanted. That’s so cliche. I at least try to...”

“Thank you, Joe,” Lord Kaos said loudly, cutting off the grumbling. “You’ve helped immensely. It goes without saying that if you attempt to warn your employer about this contest then he will almost certainly terminate your position, and possibly you, if he’s any kind of villain at all. Oh, and we’ve saved your image and will post it on our Blacklist of Traitors page. Er, that is what it’s called, isn’t it doctor? The computer thingie?”

“That’s right, L.K.,” Dr. Monocle said with strained patience. “Our website, on the Internet. Thanks for stopping by with your concern,” he said brightly to Joe, who was gaping. “If you could take a moment to fill out this survey, it’d be only five minutes of your time, that’d be great. What’s your email?”

Lord Kaos broke the transmission and the image of Joe winked out. 

“Hey!” Dr. Monocle protested. “L.K., that was rude.”

“There is such a thing as being too evil. Surveys,” said Kaos disgustedly. “And don’t call me L.K.”

  Lord Kaos stroked his thin stylish beard. Perhaps this open door policy wasn’t such a bad idea. He was feeling much perkier than at the beginning of this tedious meeting. Already the life of a lowly peon was ruined, and more chaos was sure to follow their proclamation. 

The secret proclamation, only available to the latest applicants, of course. No sense warning the LOE members of what was coming. If they couldn’t handle a random sneak attack, they had no business being in the League.

That lackey was a bit odd, though. He hadn’t seemed like the usual backstabbing type. Hadn’t asked for a reward or anything.

 - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Minion stared at the blackened screen in horror. Slowly he raised his hand to his wrist and turned off the disguise generator. “It was supposed to be a warning letter,” he moaned. “A warning letter. They’re supposed to send a warning letter! They never... oh, this is so bad.” He clapped his hands to his dome.

Brainbot 72 nudged him. “Bowg-bowg.”

Minion drew a shaky breath. “Yeah. It’s probably not as bad as it looks. They did say the applicants were pretty lousy. It’ll be fine. I just need to watch his back. Yeah. That’s it.”

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“I’ve decided to become good,” said Megamind. “I’m switching allegiances. Now will you marry me?” He popped open the ring box.

At first, he was sure of success. She let out a gasp, and her hand flew to her mouth. She was frozen to her seat for a moment, but then she gently pushed the box aside. “Wait, back up. Are you doing this so I’ll marry you?”

He chuckled. “You make it sound like I’m trying to trick you. Which I might have done if I were still ee-vil. Which I’m not.”

“Megs, that’s wonderful, really, it is, but don’t you think that things are moving kind of fast?”

“But this is the answer to our problems.”

A wrinkle appeared between her brows. “But what are you going to do? Become a hero?”

He looked at her in surprise, then burst out laughing. “Ha ha ha! I wouldn’t go that far. I’ll cease my criminal operations, and then I’ll see.” He shrugged. He didn’t know where this new path led, but the feeling of the unknown was exhilirating, and with Roxanne by his side he was certain that things would fall into place.

She still didn’t look entirely convinced. “This is such a big change. Even positive changes in a person’s life are very stressful.”

He tilted his head. “Are you saying I’m a stressful change in your life?” he said with a devilish smile.

She squeezed his arm. “I would say a welcome change for the positive, but, yes, there’s been some stress, too, Megs.” She smiled to take the sting out of her words. “I don’t think we need to pile on a marriage right now on top of everything else. Nobody changes overnight.”

“I can. I chose to be a villain, I can choose to not be a villain. Don’t you believe me? ”

“Megs, of course I believe you. I meant that usually nobody changes without there being some kind of adjustment period. I really, really think you need to take things slow, until this all sinks in and you get used to it.”

“Details, details. I’ll make it up as I go along.”

His heart sank at the look she gave him. It wasn’t the look of stunned disbelief transforming into ‘oh what a marvelous development in our relationship!’ sort of look. She was chewing her lip, as if steeling herself to give him some bad news. “What did Minion say?”

“About what?” he muttered, getting off his knee and sitting down on the sofa.

“When you told him about us, and about you becoming one of the good guys.”

“Well...” He rubbed his leg. 

She put her hand on his arm. “This is an important decision for both of you.” 

Megamind waved his hand impatiently. “He’ll be happy for us, I know he will. And however I lead, he will follow. He’ll do what I say, or else!”

“Or else what?” she said, raising her eyebrows in a skeptical way that he suddenly found aggravating.

“Just... just or else! He’s my henchfish, I think I know my own henchfish.”

“Well, I’d like to stay on good terms with him,” said Roxanne. “It might look to him like I’ve led you astray.” 

“He knows I’ve wanted to make you my Evil Queen for ages. This is merely a slight alteration to the original plan.” He frowned. “Perhaps you’d prefer it if I remain ee-vil.”

She stared at him. He hadn’t meant to say it quite like that. He’d meant to sound casual and flippant, as if it were no big deal. Why had it come out so harshly? He decided to brazen it out, and stared back.

“No, Megs, actually I wouldn’t.” There was an edge to her voice.

“But you won’t marry me.”

“You’ve proposed a hundred times,” she snapped. “Maybe I’m not ready, Did you ever think of that? Things need to happen, to progress at normal pace.”

“Like what?” he said. “Meeting your folks?”

Her hands clenched into fists. “Yes. Exactly.”

He spread his arms out. “Here I am. Shall we go now? When’s the best time?”

Her nostrils flared as often happened when she was keeping a tight rein on her temper. “Not like this,” she said, waving her hand at him. 

He knew what she meant, but he pretended he didn’t. He didn’t really want to go running over to meet her parents right that second. It was a challenge, daring her to bring him to her parents’ place and shove their relationship in their faces.

It was as if he were watching someone else act like an aggressive, confrontational jackass. Not behaving at all like a gentleman, but he couldn’t seem to stop. 

Instead of saying ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, there seem to be some underlying emotional issues of which I was unaware, let’s discuss this like reasonable adults,’ he heard himself say, “You don’t want to be seen with me.”

“That is not true,” she said through gritted teeth. “Getting a little tired of you telling me what I’m thinking, Megamind.” The tone of her voice was clear. Stop. Do not pass Go.

He always did have a problem with stop signs. “Then why all the secrecy?”

“It was your idea!” she shouted. 

“You went along with it.”

“You’re the one who said what fun it would be, sneaking around behind everyone’s backs!”

He crossed his arms over his chest, anger and defiance and some other incredibly childish emotion he couldn’t quite name burning in his chest. “Maybe I don’t want it to be secret anymore.”

“Fine.” She crossed her arms too, and tossed her bangs out of her eyes. “We go public. No more hiding.”

“What, like this?” he said, taunting her with her own words. They certainly were not acting like a couple in love at the moment. “No matter how slowly we go, no matter how gradually, there’s going to be some backlash. Can you handle it?”

Her face went pale with rage. 

No doubt about it, his own brain was trying to destroy him. He stared at her, waiting for the explosion, because... because it was what he deserved. He was on his own anyway, well, he and Minion were on their own, as it had always been.

A chill ran down his spine. Where had that come from? 

Unexpectedly an image arose in his mind of the warden’s face, slowly crumpling into dismay, as Megamind, all of thirteen years old, announced he didn’t need him anymore. That had been a calculated act designed to drive the old man away, though it had taken a great deal of repetition, and many years, to get it through the warden’s head. The old man was stubborn, but Megamind had been more stubborn.

But this was insane. He didn’t want to drive Roxanne away. Why was he saying these mean, hurtful things? 

Roxanne was right, maybe he did need time to process these new changes, everything wasn’t as neat and tidy as he’d thought. After all he would have to tell Minion the truth, too, and here he was accusing Roxanne of being too secretive. 

He opened his mouth to try to say something about these insights, but he didn’t know where to begin, and she was livid, and did not look to be in a receptive mood in any case. 

Now her eyes narrowed. “Get out.” 

He swallowed, and tried harder to think of something to say, but words failed him. “Roxanne, I...”

“Get out!” she screamed.

He wished he could take her into his arms and soothe away her anger, but he had no right. He’d done it this time. Hurt her more deeply than any death trap ever could. 

Two spots of red appeared on her cheeks. She was going to start throwing things at him in a second. He left, taking care to close the door gently.

 - - - - - - - - - -

Roxanne paced around the apartment until the tears came. Why was he being such an ass? 

She felt so cold. She didn’t want to go in the bedroom and face that cold bed. She went in quickly, and got an extra comforter out of the closet. She curled up on the couch for a while but was too restless so she started pacing again.

God damn it, it was so late. Now she was so upset that sleep would be a long time coming, if at all. They were supposed to have gone out tonight anyway, but...

Thank goodness her boss had let her off work so she could rest up for the Damsel convention or it would be a crappy day tomorrow. Did he care about her schedule? Of course he didn’t! He got to do whatever he felt like, and ‘work’ when he wanted. Work! It hardly deserved the dignity of the word. His stupid plans and criminal enterprises and turf wars and whatever the fuck else he was involved in. Nothing like the regular hours she had.

With all his gifts and abilities, he ought to be able to figure out a decent career that didn’t involve hiding from the cops and blowing stuff up.

That was what he had said he was going to do, wasn’t it? Stop being a villain. And she hadn’t exactly welcomed his announcement with open arms. 

A fresh surge of anger went through her. Why the hell did he have to propose every other minute? Was it too much to ask for one mind-boggling change at a time? 

She tries to have a sensible conversation with him about his future ...which could very well become THEIR future, only OF COURSE he hadn’t thought about that!..., and he has the gall to accuse HER of hiding their relationship from the world. 

Would her future husband be a reclusive entrepreneur, or a supergenius crime boss? Business dinners or prison visiting days? Which would it be? It would be nice to know! 

He was so pushy. Always trying to rush things. And she had rushed things too, she thought a touch guiltily. Her libido had gotten the better of her. She probably shouldn’t have jumped him like that, on only their second night together. Because now he wanted everything right now, where she wanted to take things gradually, to allow room for adjustments and to make sure they could handle the big changes that would happen. First, get out of the Damsel business, wait a bit for the dust to settle, and, well, yes, of course she wanted Megamind to quit the supervillain business. She knew that another Damsel was going to step in to fill her vacancy, and the thought of Megamind kidnapping some other woman did not sit well with her. That was her spot, damn it.

But she wanted him to give up villainy because it was the right thing to do, not because she was the prize for him being a good boy. It didn’t sound to her like he’d really thought the whole thing through yet. 

She believed in the power of love to transform people, but she didn’t think it happened just like that.

And he STILL hadn’t told Minion ANYTHING! She didn’t want to come between them, and this was an issue that could cause friction, maybe even a rift. Theirs was not a simple master and servant relationship.

There was barely enough profanity in the English language to do justice to Roxanne’s feelings. She stomped around the kitchen, slamming cupboards, trying to find something to eat, but she hadn’t gone shopping in a while and the cupboards didn’t hold anything promising, nothing sweet enough or fattening enough.

Finally she called Amy, because she really needed to talk. Amy was out of the infuriating Damsel biz. She’d understand. She and her ex-hero husband had retired to San Francisco. It was still early enough in the night out there, not past 10:00 western time.

 - - - - - - - - - - -

Sheepishly, Minion approached Miss Ritchi’s apartment on his hoverbike. It was a ragged course, punctuated by many stops and backtracks as he kept changing his mind.

He was terrified. Sir would be angry about Minion spying on him, and now this League of Evil thing! He vacillated between waiting for Megamind to leave her place, which could be hours, to talking to them both, to maybe going back to the Lair and waiting for Megamind to come home.

But as he looked across the way with the binoculars, since he definitely did not want to interrupt anything, he didn’t see Megamind anywhere.

Miss Ritchi was there, and she looked kind of ticked off. The kitchen cupboards were taking a beating, anyway. Minion took a look around the apartment again, activating the binoculors’ x-ray function. Megamind wasn’t in the bathroom or the bedroom either.

Minion lowered them, feeling puzzled. Miss Ritchi’s face was blotchy. She scrubbed a wrist over her eyes. He watched as she picked up her phone and dialled a number, carrying a water glass in the crook of her arm and walking into the living room. She settled herself on the couch.

Minion paced for a minute, then beckoned to brainbot 72. “Be real quiet, go to the wall, and transmit all communications to my receiver.”

The brainbot bowg-ed that it understood, and flew over to the wall by one of the balcony doors, remaining in shadow. It stuck out its receiver dish and attached it to the wall. Almost immediately Minion got the signal on his wrist comm. 

The voice of a strange woman came through. “...going on?”

Roxanne wiped her nose with a tissue. “About a month and a half."

“I don’t want to give you a hard time, Roxanne,” she said. “But do you think you might be a little... Stockholmed?”

Roxanne gave a short bark of laughter. “Like I haven’t asked myself that a million times. No, I don’t think so.” She sounded like she had a cold. Noisily she blew her nose. “This has been sort of building for a while. And we gave in to temptation.”

“Yeah, I know how it is. The close quarters, the one-on-one attention, the banter. Evil sometimes starts to look pretty attractive. He hasn’t used some kind of mind control drug or...I don’t know, hypnosis...”

Minion didn’t recognize the other voice. He sent the feed to the hoverbike’s computer and activated the voice recognition software.

Roxanne sighed. “Would I be calling you if he had? Really, I haven’t been brainwashed. This is a normal, run-of-the-mill crappy love affair. Well, maybe not normal, but he stopped kidnapping me. And he proposes all the damn time. I wouldn’t do it, though. No way in hell am I becoming the Evil Queen.”

“Well, okay then,” said her friend, and Minion thought she might be humoring Miss Ritchi a little, but was reserving judgment. 

The computer beeped. Minion peered at the screen. Miss Ritchi was talking to another Damsel, Amelia Boniface. An ex-Damsel, and wife of Steelman, ex-Defender of Pittsburgh. Steelman retired from heroism during the same news conference in which his engagement to Amelia was announced. A lot of folks had not been happy about that, and accused Amelia of forcing him to retire.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” Roxanne asked.

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Everything. About keeping it secret.”

“Honestly? It might not have been such a bad thing to hide it. The media exposure gets pretty brutal. Even with me! When we announced our engagement, you’d have thought I’d betrayed Gordon to his nemesis, the way some people talked. People get really weird about the stupidest things. I really appreciated your support, Roxanne. Some of the other girls weren’t too understanding.”

Roxanne made a disgusted noise. “That was so outrageous. I couldn’t believe how Atlanta’s Damsel got on your case! Damsels have to stick together, not throw each other under the wheels.”

“Well, maybe you could come up with a plan for when you’d go public. You know, plan a speech or, well, you’d know better than me.”

Roxanne chuckled a little. “Yeah, you’d think I’d know better. I could have planned a press conference. Or scheduled an interview with a sympathetic reporter.” Minion saw her shake her head. “I’m such an idiot,” she muttered. 

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. I totally understand. We need some privacy, and it’s nice not to have your private life on display all the time. Anyway, you could still do some kind of press conference. It’s not too late for that.” There was a pause. “Or is it?” she asked in a gentle voice.

Minion watched as Roxanne’s mouth quivered and turned down at the corners. Embarrassed, he looked away. Her strangled sob was clear enough over the transmission. He’d never seen the unflappable Miss Ritchi cry before.

“I don’t know,” she said, and began crying in earnest.

As her friend made soothing noises, Minion wondered if he should break the transmission. It was clear she and Sir had had a fight. How much more did he need to know? 

As gentle as a summer breeze, Metro Man floated down next to him. “Hey.”

Minion stifled a small scream and shoved the computer back into its cubby. “Oh! What! It’s you! Wow, you oughta make more noise!” he gasped. He fumbled with the wrist comm to turn it off, aware that Metro Man must already have figured out what he was doing and it was too late anyway. “Well, looks like you caught me,” he said, just short of shouting. “Just about to kidnap her, for one of Sir’s spectacular schemes! Oh, rats. Dang it. Foiled again!” The robot suit shook so hard it rattled. 

Even a nice guy could take it pretty hard if he found out his girl was sleeping with his worst enemy. What if Sir came back to make up with her? If that happened, Minion would have to attack Metro Man, to warn Megamind to get the hell out of there.

Metro Man settled onto the roof and crossed his massive arms. His gaze swept back and forth before coming back to rest on Minion again. “I don’t see your boss anywhere.”

“Well, that’s because he’s waiting for me! For us! At the place. The thing. For me to seize Miss Ritchi.”

“And bring her over to today’s death trap?”

“That’s right!” Minion said. “The site of your ...your... ultimate demise.” 

“It’s almost midnight. You guys usually don’t start the proceedings so late.”

“That’s because it starts at dawn,” Minion said promptly. “It’s gonna be a big set up, just you wait! A-hahahaha!” He tried for a diabolical laugh, but it wasn’t really his thing. Usually Sir started the ee-vil laughter and Minion kind of joined in. Doing it solo was a lot more effort than he realized.

Minion’s strained attempt died away. He shuffled his feet, wishing the hero would arrest him already. Getting thrown in the slammer would annoy Sir, and it would be difficult explaining how he’d gotten caught, but it was better to get it over with. 

Metro Man pursed his lips. “So Megamind’s not spending the night this time?”

Minion’s heart revved up again. 

Metro Man looked steadily back. “I saw them together, Minion.”

_Crab nuggets,_ Minion thought. _He knows._ “Please don’t kill him,” he said, raising his hands. “Things may look bad now, but I’m sure whatever problems you and Miss Ritchi are having, I think that with a little counseling, or some time apart to cool down and thinks things over, then...”

Minion stopped. Metro Man didn’t look like a guy who’d been cheated on. He was wearing a faint smile as if he found the situation amusing rather than infuriating. Minion looked around uncertainly. “Am I missing something?”

“’Sall right, Minion. We weren’t dating anyway.”

Minion felt as if a pillar had been knocked out from under his belief system. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Minion pondered this for a moment. “What, never?”

“Three dates, a long time ago. That was it. We’re just friends.”

“How come you...”

“That’s personal.”

“And you two never even...”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Metro Man frowned. “But why are you spying on her? He tell you to do that? Is he playing her?”

Minion bristled, his spines quivering with indignation. “He would never toy with Miss Ritchi. He wouldn’t ‘play’ her,” he said, making air quotes. He stuck his jaw out. Metro Man always jumped to the worst possible conclusions!

Metro Man shook his head, his frown deepening. “Then why are you doing it?”

Minion picked at a spot of grime in his elbow joint, feeling guilty. Here he was, sneaking around and spying on Sir’s girlfriend. “Because I don’t know what’s going on,” he finally said. “He never even told me about...” He waved a hand at the apartment. “...them. Him and her.”

Metro Man blinked. “Really? Weird. How come?”

“I don’t know,” Minion said, feeling miserable. “It’s like he doesn’t trust me anymore.”

“Aw, gee, Minion. I don’t know what to say.” Metro Man had a surprisingly sympathetic look on his face. “I was a little upset that Roxie didn’t tell me, too.”

Minion made a noncommittal grunt. _As if his friendship with Miss Ritchi was anything like what me and Sir have._ “And so you spied on them,” he muttered without a shred of irony.

Metro Man clucked his tongue. “He left the darn hoverbike parked right out front for everyone to see! I’m surprised photos of it haven’t turned up anywhere yet. I think he forgot to hide it. I almost flew in to rescue her from what I thought was a kidnapping. They were...” 

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“No, it’s not like I caught them at it. They were just lying in bed giggling.” He wrinkled his nose. “She calls him Megs.”

Minion looked at him in alarm. “Megs?” Sir couldn’t have been giggling. Sir didn’t giggle.

“Then he jumped up, said, ‘oh darn, the bike,’ only he didn’t say ‘darn’, you know, and threw on a pink robe...”

“No, he didn’t!” Pink! That was crazy.

“It was her robe. At least he didn’t run out there naked. He ordered some brainbots to take it to the roof and they covered it with a tarp. Real good camo. If I hadn’t been watching I never would have guessed it was there.” He sighed. “I was really surprised, but after I went away and thought about it for a while, I realized I shouldn’t have been. I mean, you must have suspected something was going on, too, right? Even I heard ‘em flirting sometimes, when she was tied to that chair.”

Across the way, Miss Ritchi had carried the phone into the kitchen, still talking as she bent over to look in the refrigerator.

Minion went very still as another worry came to him. “Um, can you hear what they’re saying?” If she and Megamind had had a fight, Metro Man might hold that against Megamind. How protective was he of Miss Ritchi’s feelings?

Metro Man shrugged. “Well, I heard a little. I don’t mean to listen. To eavesdrop.” He looked pointedly at Minion. Minion hid his wrist comm behind his back. “I’m pretty good at directing my hearing to where I want it to go.”

“So you can still hear them, but you’re... not listening?” Minion gave him a skeptical look. 

“That’s right. I’m...” He sighed. “It’s hard to explain. When I don’t consciously listen, they’re like voices in another room. Sorta muffled. Like all the TV’s, voices, cars, and the million other noises I hear around me.” He waved his arm to take in the surrounding buildings and traffic. “Believe me, ignoring Roxie’s conversation is pretty tough. I’m kinda curious as to what’s going on myself. They have a fight? She looks pretty upset. You know who she’s talking to?”

“Amelia Boniface.”

“Ohhh, yeah. Amy. She was good. Hey, how about you tell that brainbot to quit transmitting?”

“What? Oh.” Minion recalled the brainbot, who flew over and made a spirited attempt to bit Metro Man on the arm. Minion made it quit, simply because it was a nuisance. It might have managed to rip the uniform.  The little ‘bot hovered behind Minion, growling and quivering.

“Maybe Megamind is worried about what you’ll think. So, what do you think?”

Minion bit his lip. Did her anger and tears over their fight mean she felt as deeply about Megamind as he did about her? He wondered if they had broken up. That would probably be for the best. Strangely Minion didn’t feel very happy about that. He wanted Sir to be happy. Come to think of it, he wanted Miss Ritchi to be happy too. He’d told himself she was in it for the thrill. Looking at her now, he realized that was an unfair assumption. But she was still the Damsel, one of the most visible symbols for good. He just didn’t see how it could possibly work. The bad guy did not get the girl.

Minion tapped his metal fingers together. He wasn’t going to talk about it with Metro Man. “He should have told me, that’s all,” he muttered.

“How about you talk to him about it? And have him make up with her. If he breaks her heart, I might have something to say about it.” Metro Man cracked his knuckles.

Minion stuck out his jaw. “Oh yeah? How about you talk to Miss Ritchi?” If anyone’s heart would get broken it would be Sir’s.

Metro Man’s grim look turned to alarm. “You kidding? She’ll know I x-rayed her apartment. She’ll kill me.”

“So that’s what does it?” Minion said, in a remarkably Megamindish turn of phrase. They scowled at each other. “Look, if you’re going to arrest me, go ahead and do it already.”

Metro Man shook his head. “Nah. Not this time, little fish buddy.”

“Why not?” Minion was miffed at the nickname. 

Metro Man chuckled. “You want to go to jail?”

“Well, no, but, you’re the good guy. It’s your job,” he said accusingly.

Metro Man clapped his hand on Minion’s shoulder. The robotic knees creaked as they struggled to compensate for the increased pressure. “Giving you a freebie, Minion. Let me tell you something about good and evil. Sometimes they’re just labels. Sometimes it’s all a big game, and you gotta know when to quit. I’ll give you five minutes. When I come back around, you better have cleared out. No more spying, all right?” With a stern smile he patted his shoulder again with a hearty slap that nearly took out Minion’s stabilizers, and took off.

Minion looked into the sky. “What’s that supposed to mean?” A game! The insanity was spreading. Nobody was acting the way they were supposed to. It was all higgledy-piggledy, people flaunting their assigned roles, heroes letting evil henchfish go, damsels dating villains, villains failing to live up to their name. Minion would be glad when things get back to normal.

Dejection made his dorsals droop. He’d committed the worst breach of all. The loyal henchfish had committed an act of vile betrayal against his master in a misguided attempt to set him back on the evil path. Who was he to criticize?

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Minion trudged into the Lair. He found Sir slumped in the swivel chair in front of the monitors, though not a single screen was on. He padded over, burning with shame. “Sir.”

Megamind didn’t look up. His chin stayed propped in his hand. “Oh, ollo, Minion. Everything go all right?”

Panic surged through Minion’s veins. Had what gone all right? Was that some kind of veiled reference to his sneaking around behind Sir’s back? Was this Megamind’s roundabout way of bringing the hammer down? But Megamind didn’t sound like he usually did when he was about to spring a verbal trap. He sounded distant, and distracted, his voice dull and not terribly interested. “Sir?”

“The routing of the Rackham brothers from my turf.”

Minion felt as if his water had frozen solid. “Oh no. Sir, I...I forgot,” he whispered. “I completely forgot about the mission.”

Megamind finally looked up at him, a slight furrow between his black brows. “Forgot?”

Minion wrung his hands together and wanted to sink into the ground. “I am so, so sorry. I don’t know how I forgot such an important mission. I can gather the ‘bots right now, Sir, I’ll go out and...”

Megamind slumped back into the chair. “Never mind, filet mignon. Tomorrow night, or the next. What does it matter?”

Minion felt like crying. Sir should have been furious, shouting and scolding, and rightfully so! Not all sad and depressed because of whatever had happened at Miss Ritchi’s tonight. I am such a traitor, Minion thought in the depths of his misery. I didn’t mean to, but...

Never mind that now. Or at least not yet. He had to come clean. Sir needed to talk, that much was obvious. But how to begin? To start by admitting that he’d been spying on Sir and Miss Ritchi, that he knew about their secret trysts?  

He steeled himself. That was selfish thinking. His feelings didn’t matter right now. Sir needed him, to talk things out, to...

Megamind stood abruptly. “I’m going out.”

“Want me to come with you?” Minion asked timidly.

“No, Minion.”

Minion nodded miserably, though Megamind was striding away and didn’t see him. He thought about following him, but the Triad’s little contest had only just been announced to the LOE applicants. No one could possibly engineer a sneak attack so soon. At least Minion was pretty sure no one could, and who knew if anyone would dare try to tackle the Master of All Villainy? No, Sir was probably about as safe at the moment as he ever was. It looked like a few brainbots were trailing after him so that was good.

He felt a tiny, guilty pang of relief that he didn’t have to admit his terrible acts of betrayal, that he had a little reprieve, at least until Sir got home again anyway.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

“Roxanne, I don’t know what came over me. You were right, of course. I was...less right.” Megamind winced, though there was no one to see. “I was ... was... rrrrr...rrrrrrrong. Wrong.” He heaved out a breath. There, he said it. With practice, it should get easier. 

After a few repetitions, the word practically lost all meaning. Just syllables, no problem. Feeling bolstered, he paced down the jetty’s length again. “Marriage can wait. Though if you had only listened for a minute, then I wouldn’t have... no, no, too accusatory.” He cleared his throat. “I admit that mistakes have been made, agendas have been pushed... urgh, no, too political.” 

Apologizing sucked. 

As he paced back and forth, waves lapping below his feet, he pondered various ways and means of delivering apologies to one’s girlfriend. Flowers usually figured heavily in the equation. Was there a set amount of blooms considered ideal, such as an even dozen, or did it depend on the type? A single representative of a genus or a variety representing the overall genera of the flowering plants? Perhaps an analysis of the...

“No,” he snapped at the sea and sky. He was letting his mind get sidetracked so he didn’t have to deal with the central issue, which was that he had behaved like a spoiled child who hadn’t gotten his way.

He had hurt Roxanne deeply. He knew she had a temper on her. One of the things he used to love to do was to find all her buttons and push them until she snapped. But this time he hadn’t done it playfully, or in the spirit of their old banter. He had meant to wound.

And I succeeded, he thought grimly. He had struck out, from anger and fear, from his habitual behavior of pushing away anyone who got too close. He clamped his hands under his armpits and strode toward the shore. A gust of wind blew spray on the side of his face. The lone brainbot who’d been trailing around after him the past couple of days brought him another piece of shale.

Sighing, he positioned it between index finger and thumb, drew back his arm, and whipped it across the lake. It skipped five times before succumbing to the waves. The brainbot darted after it, bowg-ing. It peered at the ripples as if it hoped the rock would come bouncing back up, then began looking for another rock. 

Megamind paced back out until he stood on the end of the jetty. It wasn’t as if she’d said she wanted to break up. She just said she wanted to wait. This fighting, and arguing, it was sort of a normal thing that couples did, wasn’t it? If it was, he didn’t care for it much. His stomach hurt.

But did she want to break up _now?_ Would she decide she couldn’t handle the publicity after all? She’d said fine, let’s go public, but did she really mean it, or had she just said that in the heat of the moment, because he was goading her? 

His heart sank into his boots. He didn’t want to hide anymore, though he supposed there would be some backlash against him, as well. Some of his uncles wouldn’t care, but others, who were still in and out of prison, would care. Would care very much.

Megamind was no stoolie, but they might not see it that way. In fact he knew they wouldn’t. He wondered what the warden would think of it all. The old man would probably think it was some sinister, complicated plot.

The other villains... well, he didn’t really care what they thought, but some of them would have their suspicions, thinking he’d sold out to the cops or somesuch. The heroes would be suspicious. For the first time, Megamind wondered what Metro Man would think. Again, not because he gave a damn for the hero’s opinion. But will he leave me alone or will he keep dragging me off to jail?

EVERYBODY would be suspicious. 

Maybe it was a good idea to follow Roxanne’s lead, and take it slow. Maybe... and this was an interesting thought... maybe she needed time to get used to all of this, too. His transformation. The possible media blitz that would erupt from her association with him. There would be changes in her life, too.

For some reason, the thought was tiny bright point. It was weird, like a little epiphany. He truly didn’t want her to get hurt, by bad press or anything else. It was a strange feeling, almost... compassionate. He gave a short bark of laughter. “This must be what maturity feels like,” he muttered. He ought to tell her that. He could imagine her rolling her eyes. It’s about time you grew up, she’d no doubt say.

A wave of sorrow hit him hard. If she wanted to break up with him, new insights or no, there wasn’t much he could do. He hugged himself harder, rubbing his upper arm, pacing. Finally he sighed. “I’m going to have to go over there, aren’t I?” he said. He was going to have to apologize, and mean it, not mouth some meaningless syllables. “And I do mean it,” he announced to the world at large.

“Bowg.” The brainbot tried to push a chunk of granite into his hand.

“I was afraid you’d say that. Maturity sucks, too. This one’s not very good for skipping. It’s too round. Sometimes it’s not meant to be. Things are the wrong shape, or the waves are too choppy, or it’s the wrong time, or...” He shrugged, and whipped the rock out anyway. It skipped twice.

He blinked. “Huh. And sometimes it works out after all.” The decision made, he strode toward the hoverbike. As he took off, he failed to notice Minion watching from the shadows. 

 - - - - - - - 

  Minion followed Megamind as he flew over Harwood Park. At least the boss had a brainbot with him. After watching Megamind trail aimlessly in and out of the Lair for the last day and a half, Minion’s anxiety had increased to the breaking point. He gave in to his worry and began following him again.

Something was going to happen. He could feel it in his water. The more time that passed, the more he worried that some villainous punk would try something, and if it happened, Minion was going to be there when it did.

Minion slowed down, and drifted. Of course that could have just been the guilt talking. He had carefully monitored the Evil channels, and hadn’t heard anything about any sneak attacks on other supervillains. The League of Evil hopefuls were maybe not too keen to jump the established members.

Megamind was about a quarter of a mile ahead when Minion heard a voice shouting out something, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. The message quickly became clear.

Two neon-red whips snapped out of the trees, wrapped around Megamind’s hoverbike, and yanked him down into the trees. The lone brainbot raced back and forth briefly in alarm, then it flew after its master.

Minion kicked it into hyper mode, leaning over the handlebars. The three brainbots he’d brought with him lagged behind a little, but they too had seen their Daddy get attacked, and their little motors whirred madly as they flew faster.

It took an eternity to travel the short distance. The sound of the de-gun firing was clear enough in the crisp night air. There was a shout, then a scream. Flashes of light lit up the undersides of the trees. A few branches caught fire.

Neither of the voices sounded like Megamind, at least he didn’t think so.

He circled overhead, but he couldn’t see much through the canopy, and he could have come crashing through the branches, but it would have been landing blind, and he might have ended up landing on Megamind.

He came to a screeching halt in the closest open space. There was a deep, unfamiliar sound, like the whoomph-whoomph noise of a huge fan blade spinning. Air pressure dropped, squeezing Minion’s head. Wind howled, and the trees bent one way, then the other, as if in the grip of a very small, confused tornado. Then there was the meaty sound of a fist hitting flesh, and the noise stopped. The trees swayed upright again.

Minion leaped off the hoverbike and grabbed the plasma blaster from the hatch. He moved swiftly through the trees, crouching low, hurrying toward the sounds of the battle. The brainbots flanked him.

He didn’t dare call out. It might distract Sir at a bad moment. 

His foot knocked aside two glowing cubes. Megamind’s work. He pushed on through the undergrowth, a little more cautiously, praying he was not too late. Minion listened hard. It had become quiet. A lull, or was there a victor? He edged along, and then there was a gap, and he saw two people. He paused to make sense of the scene.

Megamind stalked a wide path around a man in camouflauge, but Megamind was looking outward, de-gun raised, searching for more enemies. The camo man stood stock still with hands raised, but his eyes, the only things visible above his black half-mask, were glassy with fright. Why hadn’t Sir shot him or taken him down?

Megamind held one arm against his side, panting. He was limping a little, but he held the weapon at arm’s length and he appeared to be alert. A hatchwork of thin scrapes raked down the side of his cheek and head from getting yanked through the trees.

Someone at ground level moaned pitifully, but there were too many bushes in the way, and Minion couldn’t see who made the noise. 

A lone tree in the clearing burned in a fitful sort of way. An acorn exploded. More little blue cubes lay scattered on the grass. How many attackers were there? Some of the cubes could have been trees or rocks caught in the crossfire.

Minion stepped on a twig, and suddenly found himself looking down the barrel of the de-gun. He flung up his arms. “Whoa! Whoa! It’s me, Sir.”

Megamind’s eyes widened, and he lowered the de-gun, but they locked gazes. To the casual observer it looked as if the they were merely staring at each other, but anyone who knew them well enough could see that a furious silent conversation was taking place.

Minion knew that Megamind was calculating the likelihood of Minion showing up just then, and figuring out that the odds of Minion showing up right then, right at that moment, were practically nil. Therefore, Megamind knew that Minion must have been following him. The green eyes narrowed slightly. 

Minion stared back, giving him a ‘yeah? So what are you gonna do about it?’ look. 

At which point, given Minion’s defiant stance, Megamind knew that Minion almost certainly knew about his affair with Roxanne.

A cold, meaningful glare passed between them, which said each knew that the other knew exactly what had been going on, and knew what the other was thinking, but that now was not the time to hash it out. In the presence of enemy combatants, they would close ranks and present a united front.

The person who had given the pain-filled moan earlier tried to sit up,  cupping his bleeding nose. Megamind dehydrated him. “That one had some kind of air power. He called up a wind that almost knocked me off my feet.”

Now Minion saw why the last man standing was doing an impression of a swimmer poised on the end of a diving board. The brainbot had clamped onto the front of his pants. 

“Will you please make this thing to let go?” the man said hoarsely. 

Megamind ignored the feeble plea and yanked off his face mask. “What was the name of your little group?” he said, squinting. “I thought I heard you announce it when you so rudely knocked me off my hoverbike. The Funny Five? Fluffy Five?”

The guy had the slightly slack-jawed appearance of one who was barely out of his teens, but he gave Megamind an insulted look. “N-no, it’s the Ferocious Five.”

“And you are...?”

“Bullwhip.”

“So tell me, Coolwhip, I’ve never seen you before. Why did you attack me?”

“It’s Bullwhip! And I’m not talking.” 

“Aren’t you? You must not be very attached to your genitals, Coolwhip. Shall we make it a reality? Brainbot 275, hold your position....Steady, now...” Megamind slowly raised his hand. Bullwhip’s bulging eyes followed it. 

Minion watched in fascination. Megamind’s voice had slowed as well, to give the captive plenty of time to think about the situation.

Megamind intoned, “When I give the signal...bite down as hard as you...”

“Wait, wait,” Bullwhip croaked.

Megamind raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

A trickle of sweat ran down the side of Bullwhip’s face. “It was Dr. Monocle. Said he’d help us win.”

Minion gasped. “What? That’s cheating! He’s not supposed to...” 

Megamind’s head snapped around. Minion clamped his mouth shut. After a moment, Megamind turned his steel-tipped gaze back to the captive. “Explain. Win what, exactly?”

“The League of Evil contest. Defeat a member and take his place. It’s for new applicants. See, we been tryin’ to get in for couple years now, and the doc said he’d help us get in. Got us matching costumes. And got these energy whips, see, that come out of my arms, but they’re hard to control, so he...”

Megamind waved his hand, cutting him off. “I see.” He took a communicator off Bullwhip’s belt, and began walking away.

The brainbot moved its jaw slightly. Bullwhip whimpered, “Hey, w-what about...about ...you know?”

“Ah, yes, I suppose it’s getting bored.” Megamind nodded at the brainbot. “Release him.” 

Bullwhip sagged as the brainbot let go. Megamind dehydrated him and holstered the de-gun. “Time to clear the air, I’d say,” he murmured. He snapped his fingers at one of the brainbots. “You. Record this conversation.” The brainbot extended its receiver and Megamind pressed the call button.

Minion nodded approvingly. You never knew when a recording would come in handy. Normally Megamind would have ordered Minion to record the call, and Minion felt a little bit hurt about that but given the circumstances he wasn’t surprised.

A crackly voice came through. “Did you do it? You get him?”

“Ollo, Dr. Monocle,” Megamind said. “Long time no see.”

There was a short silence. The man on the other end of the line cleared his throat. “Uh, you gotsa wrong-a numero, meester.”

Megamind rolled his eyes at Minion, whose spirits lifted briefly at this hint of solidarity. All was not lost. “Nice try, Unibrow,” said Megamind. “The Ferocious Five have met with utter failure. Next time, why don’t you face me yourself? Or doesn’t your mommy let you out after dark?”

“It’s my grandma, and I can go out whenever I want,” said Dr. Monocle indignantly. “You think you’re so clever. Others do my fighting for me. I’m not going to waste my time fighting some prison orphan.”

Megamind sneered. “Ooo, that hurts. I think I may cry. But I suppose you’re right.” He sighed. “It’s beneath you. I admire your eagerness to face a worthy opponent. Metro Mahn’s going to have his hands full.”

“Say what?”

“As the true boss of the Ferocious Five, if they had defeated me, you would take my place as top villain of Metrocity, and therefore become Metro Mahn’s primary foe,” said Megamind patiently. “You’d have to fight him.”

There was a longer silence. “Fight Metro Man? You mean, like... fight him?”

“Constantly. Endless heroic vigilance, that one. But I’m sure you’ve got plenty of tricks up your sleeve for dealing with his dazzling superspeed, incredible strength, invulnerability, not to mention the laser vision. That stuff’s super hot, ouch, watch out for that!” Megamind chuckled. He snapped his fingers. “I know! How about a test run? Next week, what say I issue a challenge to Mr. Goody Two-Shoes, and when he comes around to fling everything he’s got at me, you and your cute little gang the Ferocious Five jump out of the bushes? Won’t that be a surprise. Stop him right in his tracks, no doubt. What do you say?”

“Uhhhhh, I’m not... that would take some... planning, I’m not sure I’m quite...” Dr. Monocle spoke briskly, voice high with strain. “You can’t make me!” The comm went dead.

Megamind snorted. “Loser.” He strode away into the underbrush, limping slightly. Minion caught up to him. They walked in silence for a while, except for the occasional crackle of a twig underfoot. Minion’s exhiliration at Megamind’s handling of the ambush rapidly wore away as he followed Sir’s stiff march through the trees.

He cleared his throat. “Sir, before you say anything, do you have any inuries that need attention?”

“Perhaps. I’ll know more once I get this knife out of my back.”

Minion winced, but he was angry, too, and he said, “Same here, Sir.”

“How so?”

Minion made an exasperated sound. “You didn’t tell me about you and Miss Ritchi, that’s how so.”

Megamind rounded on him, glaring. “I knew it. You’ve been following me.”

“You should have told me what was going on. You didn’t even notice me following you.”

“I didn’t think I had to guard against my own henchfish sneaking around behind my back.”

“Good point, Sir, but you were getting too distracted. Look what happened tonight.”

Megamind cocked his head. “Yes, let’s look at what happened tonight, filet mignon. You seem awfully well-informed about this little contest.”

Minion took a deep breath of water to steady himself. “It’s my fault, Sir. I thought you were... were straying too far from the villainous life. I remembered how proud you were when you got your LOE membership, and I thought if the Triad warned you about falling standards, you’d get back in the swing of things.”

Megamind’s mouth fell open. “But they never sent a warning letter. They’re supposed to send a warning letter.”

“I know! Instead they made up this contest.”

“Two warnings are required, as a matter of fact.”

“Yeah, it’s right there in the rulebook.”

“Third strike gets you kicked over to the Neutrals, as evidenced by Lizard Wrangler’s fall from ee-vil grace.”

“That’s just what I said,” Minion said, relieved that Megamind sounded as irritated by the flaunting of the rules as he was.

Megamind shook his head. “The Evil Ombudsman will hear of this, mark my words.”

“Sir, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. If I’d known they’d pull such an underhanded stunt, I never, ever would have...I really wouldn’t have...”

Megamind waved his hand. “You couldn’t have known, Minion. In a way, I have to admire their evillness. So Dr. Monocle saw this as a chance to supplant me. Use these dopes for cover, and set them up as his puppets. Hmph.” He pressed his lips together in a thin line.

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Sir. I was afraid you were, you know, getting kind of... of soft. But obviously I was wrong,” he added hastily. “Defeating five attackers, and an ambush at that!”

Megamind’s mouth began to curve into a smile.

Minion said, “I should have known you’d never give up evil. Not the future Overlord of the entire city, right?” He nudged Megamind with a hairy elbow.

Megamind’s smile froze. “Ah-heh. Heh. That’s right, filet mignon.”

They found the hoverbike. Minion, with help from the brainbots, got it set upright again. “So, uh... how’re things with Miss Ritchi?”

“Oh, fine, fine.”

“That’s good.”

Megamind cleared his throat. “We might have had a little quarrel.”

Minion gave him a sideways look. “Um, I know, Sir. Sorry.”

Megamind frowned. “How long have you been spying on me?”

“Look, I admit it. It was wrong to follow you, Sir, but I really wish you had told me. I was worried. I mean, you weren’t changing your route or anything.”

Minion checked the underside of the bike. A big dent in the chassis, but nothing a hammer couldn’t pound out. “Believe it or not, Sir, I...I guess I am happy for you and Miss Ritchi, but...”

“But...?”

Minion brushed off the hoverbike’s seat. “I just don’t see how it’ll all work out. She sounds pretty resistant to becoming your Evil Queen.”

Megamind nodded. “The marriage question is the one we’ve been quarreling about, to be honest.” 

Minion took a look at the bike’s engine to see if there was any further damage. “Well, maybe if you kind of showed her the advantages of being Evil Queen. Power, wealth, grinding her enemies beneath her heel, that sort of thing.”

Megamind shook his head. “Roxanne’s not interested in all that. Besides, I already showed her the La.... informed her of some of the benefits.” He  quickly clasped his hands behind his back. “In any case, her sense of goodness and fair play is ingrained, it’s quite a challenge.”

Minion had frozen. Slowly he straightened. He turned around even more slowly. “You showed her the Lair?”

“Pfft. What? No, of course not.” Megamind chuckled in what he was sure was a normal way.

“You brought her to the Lair, didn’t you.”

“Would I do that? That would violate every security protocol we have. Seriously, Minion. I don’t know where you got that idea.”

Minion took a huge, shuddering breath. “You DID. You DID bring her to the Lair.”

“So what?” Megamind snapped. “I’m the boss!”

“Don’t you pull rank on me!” Minion shouted, shaking his finger. “Not over this! Did you even blindfold her? She knows where it is, doesn’t she?”

Megamind snarled. “I am in charge, Minion, not you. I think I can say who can or can’t come to the Lair.”

“Oh, I’m _so_ sorry, Sir, just a _little_ concerned that you gave away the location of our TOP-SECRET LAIR to the first woman who gives you a roll in the hay!”

“How dare you raise your voice at me! That is your future mistress you’re referring to, Minion!”

“You showed the Damsel of Metro City our hideout! Why don’t you send Metro Man a map while you’re at it? You showed her all your inventions, too, I’ll bet.”

“They are mine, aren’t they? I can show them to whoever I want. Doesn’t matter anyway, I’ve decided to give up being ee-vil.” He crossed his arms and looked at him defiantly.

Minion’s mouth fell open. “Are you kidding me? I don’t even know you anymore! Running around behind my back, keeping secrets from me. From me! I’m your minion! Your best friend. You’re completely out of control. That’s it, you’re grounded.”

Megamind burst out laughing. “I’m a grown man, Minion. And you’ve never had the power to ground me anyway. I don’t need you to tell me what to do.”

His incredulous laughter died away. Minion looked as if he’d been swatted with a crowbar. When he spoke, his voice was tight. “Well, in that case, maybe you don’t need me at all.” He turned and began to push his way through the brambles.

Megamind felt his chest constrict. “Maybe I don’t,” he shouted at Minion’s back.

Minion swept out his arms, decapitated a few bushes, and went on his way.

Megamind glared at the spot where Minion had disappeared until he heard the sound of Minion’s hoverbike fade away. “Good riddance,” he said, voice shaking. 

He went to the hoverbike, still hobbling because he’d landed a little too hard on one ankle leaping clear of the hoverbike when it got snagged. He straddled the bike, grimacing because of the blow to the ribs he’d gotten, and started it up. The engine coughed to life, but instead of soaring into the sky he lowered his head onto the handlebars. Sighing, he clicked his wrist comm. “Minion, come back. We should talk.” He waited, but there was no reply. “Minion, do you read me? Minion?”

That stubborn fish. Probably went off to pout somewhere.

Then he remembered that infernal contest. Would contestants see Minion as a target? Or bait? It was well known he and Minion were practically joined at the hip. Or used to be.

He activated the homing beacon, but there was no signal. Minion couldn’t have disabled it that fast. Had he smashed the comm? Now he was really starting to worry. Megamind rose into the sky, looking all around, but there was no sign of the other hoverbike.

“Any brainbots with him?” he asked the brainbots. The reply was negative. Damn.

“Send word to all patrols,” he ordered. “Any ‘bot sees Minion, let me know where and when immediately.”

The thought of Roxanne came to him suddenly, achingly. He shouldn’t go to her like this. Not when they hadn’t talked things out. What would he say, ‘sorry about the fight, can you help me look for Minion?’ 

“Shit,” he muttered. He couldn’t tell if it was the right thing to do or not. Selfish, self-serving, only coming to her when he was in trouble, what would she think? He would beg for her help, even if it was only emotional support. She liked Minion, she would worry about him, and Megamind would promise to apologize properly later. 

 - - - - - - - - - - -

Roxanne sat on the bed amid the scattered clothes and half-packed suitcase, leafing through the schedule packet. The cape that Megamind had given her a couple of weeks ago lay across her lap.

‘Single Motherhood and the Modern Damsel.’ ‘Virginity: A New Standard of Conduct or A Relic of the Past?’ ‘Transitioning from Damselhood to Heroism.’ She tossed the packet on the bed.

She did not feel like going to this stupid convention. Another day and night had gone by, and he still hadn’t come back. 

As she spilled her guts to her friend Amy, Amy had brought the conversation around again to possibly having Roxanne see a therapist. Just in case there was some kind of Stockholm thing going on. Roxanne had even told her Megamind claimed to be turning over new leaf, so really it was a case of her influencing him. What was it called, Lima syndome? Which Amy seemed to find very suspicious. 

Was Megamind trying to fool her into marrying him? But what could he possibly gain by lying now? Trick her into marrying him, then reveal he was still evil after all? It would be a short-lived victory. She’d annul it faster than an alligator could snarf up a chicken. If he could have corrupted her to the side of evil, he’d be... well, she was sure he would be more up-front about it.

She hated crying. It made her nose stuffy and red. She wished he would come over already so they could talk, and then they could make up. She sniffed and wiped her nose again.

Again she berated herself for rushing into such an intimate relationship. But she’d been tired of waiting for the right guy to come along. Maybe, even if she did love him, maybe they didn’t bring out the best in each other. 

But she didn’t want him to go. She held the satiny cape to her cheek.

There was a funny hum over the roof which had been there for some time. She’d assumed it was a distant helicoptor or airplane, but it had been steadily centered overhead for a couple of minutes.

Uh oh, she thought. Was Megamind up to something? What sort of vehicle did he have parked overhead?

She tensed as there was a knock at the balcony door. Setting her lips in a thin line she marched out, prepared to do battle. He’d better have a damn good apology for that hissy fit he’d thrown the other night.

She stopped short. Three women waved at her excitedly through the glass. Not just any three women, they were Damsels.

“Woooo! Hey, Roxieeeee!” one of them shouted.

Roxanne clapped her hands to her mouth and hurried to open it. They came in, wearing sparkly dresses and trailing perfume, hugging her and laughing.

“What are you...how did you get here?” Roxanne leaned out to look overhead. 

At first all she could see was a few red landing lights, and then she made out the shape of a sleek jet hovering over the building, as a darker shape cut out of the night sky.

“Jet Girl gave us a lift,” said Diane. “She’ll be down in a minute. She’s gonna party too!”

Kristy shouted, “I got engaged!” and held up a manicured hand with a ring.

Roxanne gave her another hug. “Oh, that’s wonderful!”

“San Francisco’s first lesbian Damsel is settin’ another milestone,” she laughed.

“When did you get engaged? Is Trudy here?”

Kristy shook her head. “No, she’s at home. We decided I ought to take some of the heat first. You know how shy she is.”

Vera slung her arm around Kristy’s shoulders. “She better get ready for the onslaught, honey. Reporters are gonna be at her door by morning.” She leveled a mock glare at Roxanne. “You’re not going to rat her out, are you?”

Roxanne scoffed. “Ha! No way.” Her boss would have a cow if he knew she had this scoop and let it pass, but she wasn’t going to betray Kristy’s trust. “So this is a bachelorette party? The convention’s tomorrow, guys.”

They rolled their eyes in unison. “Exactly,” they chorused, and snorted with laughter. “Roxanne, you’ve got to come out with us. Unless, uh, you got plans to stay in tonight with a certain muscle man?” Vera raised a single eyebrow.

The eyebrow manuever reminded her so much of Megamind that Roxanne felt her heart twist. She fought to keep her smile steady but some flicker of emotion must have shown on her face because Vera gave her a questioning look.

“Oh, who cares!” Kristy burst in. “She can see her boyfriend any old time. This is my only night to party before the media vultures swoop in. She is coming out with us! Oh, yes, you are! I’m not taking no for an answer,” she said, as though Roxanne had protested. Roxanne suspected the celebratory drinking had begun on the jet.

She looked at their expectant faces. “Uh, yeah. I’d love to,” she said. “But I have to get dressed.” For her friend’s sake she would do her best to party it up. Her stomach lurched slightly. Normally she wouldn’t have minded, but it would suck if she turned up at the convention with a hangover. She’d have to hope her friends didn’t push too many drinks on her. They had cities to represent too, she hoped they remembered that. She didn’t want to be the spoilsport, but that’d be a hell of a story, four Damsels showing up hungover.

Jet Girl swung down on the rope ladder with the smooth efficiency of a professional hero. Under her flight suit she wore a glittery purple skirt. She tugged the hem down over her thigh holster. “Hi, Roxanne,” she said brightly. She spoke into her communicator. “Okay, I’m here, Hawk. meet back here at around three?” She glanced at Roxanne. “When do the bars close? No, better make it four.” Out of a small backpack she pulled out a pair of high heels and dangly earrings.

The comm crackled. “Roger. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” The overhead hum faded as the hovering jet flew away.

Jet Girl snorted. “Doesn’t leave me with too many choices, but okay.”

Oh, Christ, Roxanne thought wearily as she went into the bedroom. Four a.m. It was going to be a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

 

When Roxanne went to find something to wear, Diane had unexpectedly followed her, wondering if they could have just one little drinkie-poo of the wine Kristy had found in the fridge. Roxanne barely had time to snatch Megamind’s cape off the bed and whip it into the closet. 

“Yeah, have a drink! Go ahead,” she said, heart hammering. Anything to get the other woman out of her bedroom. Diane wouldn’t necessarily recognize the black cape with the blue lightning bolts, but Roxanne wasn’t taking chances.

She knew she could trust Vera and Kristy, though she would just as soon not have them find out about her and Megamind, but she wasn’t so sure about Diane and Jet Girl. Someone who could say ‘drinkie-poo’ without a blush wasn’t one with whom she felt comfortable sharing a deep, dark secret.

Roxanne dug out a black dress that she’d worn to a cocktail party that Metro Man had brought her to once, long ago, but it was wrinkled. She sniffed it suspiciously. Was that mildew? When was the last time she’d been out on the town?

She settled on a swirly yellow skirt that wasn’t exactly the sleek, sophisticated sort of thing she would have normally worn to a nightclub, but at least it was clean and didn’t need ironing.

She went out to the living room, into a cloud of talk and laughter, and perched on the edge of her seat, doing her best to smile brightly. No crappy mood here, no hidden heartbreak or anything else of interest going on in my life, no sirree. It was going to have to be the performance of a lifetime. Damsels thrived on prying out each other’s every little secret. 

  Gossip was flying. This was another reason they hadn’t moved on to the clubs yet. It would be so noisy it’d be hard to talk, and they wouldn’t pass up the chance to trade every scrap of dirt they knew about their heroes and villains.

Vera was entertaining them with her imitation of Lord Kaos. She sat up straight with pursed lips as she looked down her nose at them. “Oh, wait,” she said, breaking character and reaching for her glass. “He’s always got a brandy snifter, and he tries to get me drunk.” She swirled the liquid and resumed her pucker-faced look. 

Diane and Kristy already were about to fall on the floor. Even Jet Girl, who was having water and wandering the perimeter, was biting her lip.  

Vera drawled, “I’ve always felt, my dee-ah, that beautiful black women are so much mo-ah beautiful than...”

“Dee-ah? Mo-ah?” Diane shrieked.

“Dear! More! Shh! He always drops his r’s, he pretends he’s British half the time, quit it, you’ll make me lose it,” Vera said, flapping her hand. Primly she straightened up again. “So much mo-ah beautiful than white women. The skin tones, you see, ah so much moa-ah...aw, shit, now I forgot!” 

Kristy and Diane doubled over with laughter. “That was the worst accent ever! You didn’t even sound British, it was more like Colonel Sanders!”

Vera was laughing as hard as they were. When she caught her breath she said, “It’s still better than his, believe me! And what the hell is goin’ on with your villain?”

Diane’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “My villain?” she snorted. “What do you mean?”

“Word is, he was spotted at your place last month, and I don’t remember hearin’ about no kidnapping or super battle.” 

“Yes, Damsel of St. Louis,” Jet Girl said, grinning. “What is going on?”

As they prodded Diane for details, Roxanne made herself busy in the kitchen, her stomach clenching. She got a glass of water and sipped it, watching the others’ reactions.

Diane was grinning, a little embarrased, but she had the expression of someone with a juicy piece of information. “Can I trust you guys? I promised not to say.” 

“Of course you can,” Kristy and Vera said together. Jet Girl continued her stroll, clearly patrolling. Roxanne wished she would sit down and fricking relax, already.

Diane bit her lip. “Well, Firebomb just hadn’t been himself lately. All distracted, and the last time he kidnapped me the ropes were so loose I escaped before Morningstar even came to the rescue. I told him if he ever needed to talk, and if he promised not to wreck my house again, he should drop by.”

The other women nodded, unsurprised. The relationships between damsels, heroes, villains, henchmen, and other associated persons were complex and ever-changing. Sometimes romantic entanglements arose, but there were also more prosaic relationships. Once a hero picked up a villain’s kids from school when the villain was unexpectedly arrested. Another time a villainess set up a fund for a superhero’s widow. A hero’s sidekick and a villain’s henchman caused a scandal when it was revealed they were half-brothers and had been secretly passing information to each other.

Roxanne came a little closer. The others leaned forward in their seats. Diane cast a conspiratorial glance around at the others. “To make a long story short,” she said, “Firebomb’s costume isn’t the only thing about him that’s flaming.”

They drew deep breaths. Even Jet Girl stopped patrolling. “So he’s gay,” Kristy said, narrowing her eyes. “I should have known.”

Diane had a sly look. “And he’s secretly fallen for someone he shouldn’t. I’ll give you three guesses.”

Kristy’s mouth fell open. “Not Morningstar. Not the hero.”

“You got it.”

They cackled like hags. “You mean his hero!”

“Now, you guys promised. You promised not to tell,” Diane said, waggling a finger at them. 

A couple of months ago Roxanne would have joined in, before she acquired her own life of subterfuge. Roxanne went back to the sink for a refill. She cast about in her mind for topics of conversation that wouldn’t lead them to interrogate her. Maybe she could pretend that she and Metro Man had had an argument. Sort of lay the groundwork for their ‘break-up.’ In fact, that wasn’t a bad idea, she ought to talk to Metro Man about that. A big, messy, public break-up, and then... well, it would look like Megamind had ‘stolen’ her from the hero,, and Metro Man might not be thrilled about that since his ego was as big as Megamind’s, but it was probably what everyone would think anyway.

“Oh!” Kristy cried.

Roxanne whirled. Everyone had gotten to their feet and were staring at the balcony doors. 

And there was Megamind, looking equally surprised. Roxanne’s heart leaped into her throat. Of all the... hadn’t he noticed her apartment was full of people? Except for Jet Girl. Where was she, the bathroom?

Roxanne was frozen, not knowing if she should run over and lock the doors, or, or, or... her brain shorted out. What was the matter with her? She couldn’t pretend anymore, she had to go to him and ‘fess up to the others.

Megamind locked gazes with her. About ten dfferent emotions flickered through his eyes within half a second, including consternation, alarm, and dismay, and she knew exactly what he was thinking.

She hurried across the room, with a sinking feeling that she wouldn’t be able to head him off.

In that moment Megamind gave her a look that was equal parts apology and determination, and then his features hardened into a villainous sneer. He flung open the doors and swept in, drawing the de-gun in one smooth movement.

“Well, Miss Ritchi,” he said. “We meet again.”

Her heart broke a little; he shouldn’t have to do this. Just as she had this thought, however, she realized there were scratches all over the side of his face, scuff marks over half his outfit as if he’d been dragged under a car, and a leafy twig caught under one of his shoulder pads. Her eyes widened.

His sneer slipped a little at her reaction. He grimaced, darted his eyes over at her gaping friends, and, through spastic facial twitches, tried to get her to keep up the charade. He lifted his chin. “You cannot resist me.”

Why no, as a matter of fact I can’t, Roxanne thought. Megamind’s brows knitted together slightly as the double meaning of his words hit him. Roxanne had to fight back a surge of hysterical laughter.

Vera finally found her voice. “You got a lot of nerve, you slimy snake! We’ll see what happens when Metro Man cleans your clock!” She took a deep breath.

Diane cried, “Vera! This is Roxanne’s town!” 

Vera’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, I’m so sorry! You go ahead, honey,” she said to Roxanne. “Go ahead and scream.”

“There will be no screaming today, ladies,” Megamind said, and Roxanne was sure only she could detect the strain in his voice. “One peep, and all of you are cubed, count on...”

Jet Girl burst out of the bathroom, rolled across the floor and came up in a crouch, drawing her gun. “Hold it right there, villain! You’re not cubing anyone!”

As soon as Jet Girl hit the door, Megamind grabbed Roxanne by the arm and shoved her behind him, and shifted the point of the de-gun to the threat. After a hesitation, he said, “Au con-trare-ee, hero! It is you who will be cubed!”

Jet Girl opened her mouth, but her words seemed to catch in her throat. Her forehead slowly creased into a frown. Her eyes darted over to the Damsels, who were also staring in confusion at Megamind, who was standing protectively in front of his alleged kidnapping victim. 

Despite their inebriated state, it was clear that something was not quite right. 

Diane frowned. “Why aren’t you using her like a human shield?”

Vera made a twirling motion with her finger. “You do know she’s behind you, right?” 

Roxanne saw the corner of his mouth twitch. “Well, that’s... because... she is so... so intimidated by my... my awesome appearance that I have no cause to worry that she’ll strike me over the head or run away! Ah ha ha ha ha!”

Roxanne closed her eyes. That was the lousiest evil laugh she’d ever heard. 

Jet Girl fell back on what she knew best. “Enough of this. Drop your weapon, Megamind.”

“Ladies first.”

“So go ahead.”

“Lame, Jet Girl. You expect me to lose my cool over such a pathetic jibe?”

“I expect you to succumb to the inevitable, villain.”

“Ee-vil always gives it the old college try.”

“The only college you’ll be going to is the school of hard knocks.”

“Justice gets an ‘F’ when tested against my...”

Roxanne stepped between them. “Would you quit it! Both of you! I’m sick of this crap bantering!” She put her hand on his arm. “Megamind, I appreciate the effort, but I want to come clean.”

His eyes darted toward her, and back to Jet Girl. “Okay, but tell that to Annie Oakley.”

“It’s all right, Jet Girl,” said Roxanne. “It’s not what you think. He’s not here to make trouble. Could you do me a favor and put the gun away, and let me explain?”

Jet Girl looked at Megamind. Hero and villain glared at each other over the barrels of their guns, then an invisible signal passed between them. Cautiously they lowered their weapons and holstered them.

Roxanne plucked the twig out of his mantle. “What happened? Why are you all banged up?” 

“A little tussle. It’s nothing. I’m fine. But Minion and I, we fought...”

“You and Minion?” She couldn’t believe it.

His eyes widened. “No, no, he didn’t do this! But I need to find him. He’s either angry at me or, just possibly, he could be in danger.”

“Shouldn’t you be out looking for him?”

“The brainbots have a better chance than me driving all over the place. They’re sure to...”

“Hey. Excuse me,” Kristy said, sounding peeved. “I hate to be rude, but what the hell is going on?”

Roxanne slipped her arm around his waist and tossed her bangs back. “Megamind and I are a couple.” Megamind exhaled heavily, and she smiled into his relieved face. Both his arms went around her in a sideways hug. 

The other women exchanged dark looks. “Is there some kind of Anne Hemings thing going on here?” Vera said.

Again with Hemings. Roxanne opened her mouth to reply, but Megamind spoke first. “Absolutely not.” His arm tightened around her waist. “I love her. She makes me want to be a better man.” He looked into her eyes. “Does this mean I’m forgiven? Without you my life isn’t worth living. I really am sorry.”

Roxanne’s eyes filled with tears. “You sure are,” she said, and hugged him close.

She felt his cheek bunch up in a huge smile and he laughed. “The sorriest!” He swung her around. “There’s my thorny little Damsel.”

“Huh! I’m taller than you.”

“I’m stronger.”

“I’m tougher,” she said with a grin as he set her down and she jabbed him in the chest.

His face contorted and he hissed in pain.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Roxanne cried. Her hands flew to her mouth, afraid to touch him again. A little tussle! He was hurt, and she’d just punched him.

“No problem,” he said in a strained voice, holding his ribs. He smiled crookedly, but the smile faded at her horror-stricken face. “No, it’s all right, my love, really,” he said, looking alarmed. He cupped her cheek and used his thumb to wipe away a tear. “I am tougher than dirt. Try to top that.” 

Diane said, “So what happen, you guys have a fight?”

“But we made up,” Roxanne said, and leaned her forehead on Megamind’s. 

“Well, you’re not going to be any good tonight, I can see that,” Kristy said archly. “You’ll be thinking about him the whole time. Look, you’re not going public, are you?”

“Well, yeah,” Roxanne said.

Kristy put her hands on her hips. “You can’t do that yet! You guys will totally steal the spotlight. Can’t it wait a week?”

Roxanne smiled into Megamind’s eyes. “Think we can wait another week? Kristy’s engaged.”

“Ohhh.” He understood immediately. “All right, another week.” 

“Diane.”

“Hm?” Diane gave Vera a cool look. 

“You okay with this?”

Diane’s mouth fell open. “Why’s everybody looking at me? I can keep a secret. How come I’m the bad guy all of a sudden? We always share.” Her voice become shrill and her mouth quivered. “I thought you were my friends!” 

Kristy flung her arms around her. “Oh, sweetie, of course we’re your friends,” she said, and burst into tears. Suddenly there was a group hug. Roxanne sensed a certain calculation in Diane’s crying, but she went along with it. She untangled herself from Megamind’s arms and joined the hug in the spirit of camaraderie.

They all proclaimed undying friendship and secrecy about Roxanne’s new boyfriend, at least until the news of Kristy’s engagement died down.

Jet Girl watched Roxanne coolly. Megamind suspected she was wondering if Roxanne had been brainwashed. Jet Girl caught him looking at her, and she pointed two fingers at her eyes, then jabbed a finger at him. He felt a brief urge to return a much ruder gesture, but instead he smiled mockingly and made a little bow. Jet Girl would probably say something to the other heroes, and then there would be questions about Roxanne’s frame of mind. 

Roxanne’s guests trooped out to go down to the balcony to call a taxi service. As the door closed behind them, there was a tapping from the balcony. A brainbot reported that Minion had been spotted. At last he could take a full breath, or at least as full a breath as his sore chest would allow. Between the uncertainty of their relationship, the sudden ambush, and worry over Minion, he felt as though he hadn’t breathed properly since the day before yesterday.

He told Roxanne what happened. “He was very angry that I’d sneaked you into the Lair. He accused me of being too besotted to know what I was doing.” 

Roxanne chewed her lip. “How likely is it for another attack to happen again so soon?”

“Probably not very likely.” 

“I need to see him too, to apologize.”

He squeezed her hand. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Roxanne shrugged. She thought that Minion might not see it that way. She wasn’t exactly an innocent bystander. “He’s my friend, too. If it’s going to stay that way, I need to fix some bridges.”

He arched an eyebrow at her. That sounded like something he would say. “I think the phrase is mending fences.”

“Hm. Guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

He smiled sheepishly and she went to change into a t-shirt and slacks, which would be more practical for the hoverbike. He paced around the apartment, feeling both grateful and ashamed. He had behaved abominably, and not only had she forgiven him, she was preparing to help bring Minion back into the fold. 

When she came out again he enveloped her in a hug. “I almost wish you could talk to him first. You’re so much better at this.”

Taken by surprise, her arms were folded up between them. “Well, I could, if that’s what...”

“No.” He stepped back a little, still holding her waist, and she put her hands on his upper arms. “It’s my fault. My responsibility.” He looked away. “I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t even know why I said... said those other things to you. The other night. I think I’m too used to getting things my own way.” He huffed out a breath and shook his head. “Sometimes I push too hard.”

“That’s a start. Tell him that. You can get pretty far with saying you’re sorry.” She knew that they had more to discuss. She still felt hurt by their argument, but at least they were talking again, and he seemed willing to listen. Their talk would have to wait. “It’ll be all right, Megs. You’ll see.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Minion sings is "We're an American Band" by Grand Funk Railroad.

Megamind’s entry to the arcade barely caused a stir at first. Everyone was busy with their games, but as he walked around and peered closely at each individual, it graddually dawned on even the most zealous gamer that a supervillain was in their midst. The place emptied with speed, except for one large beefy man at the back.

Megamind leaned against the side of Face Melter 3: The Rock-ening. “Might as well drop the disguise, Minion. I know it’s you.”

“Sorry, I think you got the wrong guy.”

“I can see the holo-watch under your sleeve, and you’re the only person who hasn’t fled the place,” Megamind said, nodding at a couple of teenagers edging their way to the door. “You’re even dressed like a henchman, for crying out loud.”

Minion’s disguised lips pressed together in a thin line. “So you found me. So what?” It was strange hearing someone else’s voice.

“Can we go somewhere else to talk?”

“Kind of busy right now.” The game rocked to the side with the strength of Minion’s movements at the controls.

Megamind sighed. Second fiddle to a video game. “You’ll never guess who was at Roxanne’s place.”

Minion’s gaze stayed fixed on the screen.

He bit his lip. Oookay. “Nearly half a dozen Damsels. An impromptu bachelorette party, as it turned out. And who is the lucky bride-to-be, you’re wondering?” He studied Minion’s face, but there was no reaction. Usually his loyal henchfish ate up this kind of thing.

“Kristy Bergamot,” he said, forging ahead. “Imagine that media circus. You know who else was there? You’ll never guess. All right, no more guessing. Jet Girl. I could have beeen shot,” he said meaningfully.

Not even a hint curiosity flickered in Minion’s brown eyes. He continued, “But ee-vil prevailed, yada yada yada.” Normally he would have drawn it out and made a proper story of it, but Minion’s disinterest was throwing him off.

Drat, he’d said ‘ee-vil prevailed.’ Slip of the tongue. “I don’t blame you for feeling hurt.”

“Don’t you.”

Finally, a response. “Maybe I acted selfishly.”

“Really.”

“Minion, I’m trying to apologize.”

‘Game Over’ flashed on the screen. Minion leaned his arms against the console. “Nobody comes to the hideout, you said. Nobody. It’s our safe place. You didn’t even ask me if it was okay.”

Which would have defeated the purpose of keeping his relationship with Roxanne secret, but Megamind only said, “No, I didn’t.”

Minion turned the dial on his holo-watch and resumed his true form. “You used to tell me everything. Now you don’t trust me.”

Megamind shifted his weight, feeling the walls close in. There was no room for glib or sarcastic answers. Only the truth. “I didn’t think you’d approve.”

Minion folded his arms. “Since when do you care what I think?”

Megamind felt his throat close up. Did Minion really feel like that? Of course Megamind cared what Minion thought. Wasn’t it obvious? Apparently not.

Without Minion, he would have gone down a far darker path, and become a very different man. Minion’s undying love and companionship kept him centered. Without Minion, his heart would have closed up a long time ago. He would have become colder, and far crueler. He would not have been a man with whom Roxanne could have fallen in love. No, he would not.

He’d carefully cultivated his own brand of villainy, and never crossed the line into true Evil, and there damn well was a difference. Partly because of his own moral code, though many would be surprised that he had one. But it was also because, although he was confident that no matter what dastardly deeds he committed that Minion would stand by him, he felt that if he crossed that line, then Minion would be disappointed in him. And that he couldn’t bear.

“Since always, Minion. I always care what you think."

“Oh.” Minion’s fins, which had been rigid with indignation, relaxed a little.

Megamind said, “Would it really be so bad, to not be ee-vil anymore?”

Minion gave this some thought. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Megamind said, sighing heavily. “I’m through fighting Metro Mahn. I no longer feel a burning need to conquer the city, and I’m sure we’ll be quite busy enough for a while with challenges to my position as... as... whatever my new self-proclaimed title will be.” He waved an airy hand. “Master of the Chaotically Good or something. It’s not like I’m throwing away all my... I mean, _our_ inventions and weapons.”

“I guess that sounds all right.”Minion swam in a slow circle, thinking about it. “You thought I wouldn’t have approved of Miss Ritchi? I probably would have had some objections,” he said reluctantly. “I could tell you’ve been crazy for her for a long time. Maybe a little too crazy,” he muttered. “I worried that maybe she was using you.”

Now it was Megamind’s turn to become indignant. “Well, she isn’t. She loves me. In fact, she has taken me back, and she wants to talk with you.”

Minion’s little body stiffened. “What? Why?”

“She feels she owes you an explanation.”

Minion tapped his fingers together. “Does she know about my ...you know... snooping?”

Megamind repressed a grin at Minion’s about-face, from being suspicious of Roxanne to being alarmed at confronting her. An angry Roxanne was not to be taken lightly, but at least Megamind wasn’t on the hot seat anymore.

Then he remembered his cruel words which had caused the argument with her, and how she would probably want some further discussion on the matter. His amusement dissipated. “I told her about our fight, and she probably guessed that you found out on your own about the affair with her, and what methods you probably used. Namely, eavesdropping. So, I’d have to say yes. Though probably not any particular details about what you saw or heard.” He was also was curious about those details, but it didn’t seem right to interrogate Minion about it right then. “Look, she feels partly responsible for this whole mess, and that you were treated badly.”

Red and blue flashing lights cut through the arcade. A police car pulled up and parked across the street. Unusually keen response for the officers, perhaps the super battle in the park earlier had put them on the alert. Burning trees tended to do that.

He and Minion left out the back, and took a circuitous route to the diner down the street where Roxanne was waiting for them, giving Megamind some time to think. He was doubly glad she had come along now, because something had occurred to him. Her apartment might be under surveillance, and not by Minion.

“Minion, I’m sorry I must ask, but have you talked with anyone else about this? Our uncles, or anyone? And I wouldn’t have blamed you a bit,” he added hastily. “If you needed someone else to talk to.”

Minion shook his little body emphatically. “No, Sir. No one.” His steps faltered. “Except for... er, before I go on, Sir, can I ask why?”

Megamind gave him a sideways look. “I wonder how Dr. Monocle knew where to tell the Ferocious Five to set that ambush. I have been careless, filet mignon. I’ve used that route too regularly. When you spoke to the Triad...”

“I didn’t use her name, Sir, I swear. And the... other person... I talked to wouldn’t have blabbed to anyone.”

Megamind strode down the alley, more quickly. He’d left four stealthbots to keep watch at the diner, but he wanted to get back to her before there were any more incidents. Who knew what other hare-brained scheme Dr. Monocle would pull? Especially now that Megamind had humiliated him. “Monocle may have sent drones into the city. We’ll have to conduct a sweep, and see if there are any left. Who did you talk to?”

“Uh...Metro Man.”

Megamind stopped in his tracks. “What the hell, Minion!”

“I didn’t have any choice, I was listening at her apartment, and he came flying by!” Minion cried. “Anyway, he already knew.”

“What? How?”

“You forgot the hoverbike on the balcony one night.”

Megamind clapped a hand to his forehead. “Damn it.” He started walking again. Minion hurried to catch up.

“He seemed cool about you and Miss Ritchi. Not that we care,” he said as Megamind glowered at him. “I don’t think he’d want to make her mad at him, so I don’t think he’d tell anyone. But how could you leave the bike out like that?”

“She met me at the door wearing nothing but a robe and a thong. A _thong_ , Minion. I was... distracted.”

“Okay, that is a little too much information, Sir, but I think this highlights the importance of not sneaking around, ‘cause if I’d been along, I could have hidden the bike, while you were, you know, occupied.”

“If you’d been along? Ha, I don’t think so, Minion.”

Minion turned a deep emerald. “I mean I would have made sure you got safely to Miss Ritchi’s place, done a security check, and left. I woudn’t stick around,” he muttered. “Not if there’s thongs.”

“I certainly hope not.” Megamind glanced at him and they both chuckled. Megamind punched him on the arm, Minion elbowed his shoulder, and for a few steps they tried to run each other into the walls.

Megamind took a deep breath and exhaled, happy to have the ever-helpful Minion back.

So what if Metro Man knew? It irked him, but he supposed it was inevitable. That pervert. Probably snooped on private moments whenever he got the chance. In any case, soon the whole world would know. He was used to living in the public spotlight and had become adept at directing its glare, but over this he would have little control over the outcome.

They entered a weed-covered empty lot. He could see the back of the diner. Almost time to turn on the holo-watch. “What do you think will happen once we are in the public eye?” It wasn’t like he didn’t know, but he generally felt better after discussing things with Minion.

“I don’t know, Sir. But I think your transformation might take the focus off her a little. Probably the right reporting will put a positive spin on it.”

Megamind nodded. “A taming of the beast sort of thing. Yes, I can see that. That would work. Maybe she can recommend someone. It would have to be a different reporter, of course.”

“Yeah, it could make people look at the situation with her in a different light.”

“Situation?” A new voice echoed off the buildings. “With a chick? Ha! I’ll believe it when I see it.” It was a raspy, leering sort of voice, the sort of voice that made Megamind feel like scrubbing his brain.

The first one to step around the corner was Psycho Delic, with a leer on his purple, skeletal face, shadowed by a wide-brimmed hat and complimented by the chainlink necklace around his neck, the style of tacky pimps everywhere. He was followed by the other two members of the Doom Syndicate, Hot Flash and Destruction Worker.

Minion raised his fists, and the brainbots trailing behind them bowg-ed in a threatening way. Megamind held up a hand to hold them back. Minion glared, but lowered his fists.

Megamind formed his face into an insincere smile, though it made the scratches on his face sting. How many damn fights did he have to go through tonight? “Well, if it isn’t Metrocity’s answer to the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. What’s up, guys?” He kept his arms loose, ready to draw fast. He didn’t sense a vibe of impending attack, just the usual sneering hostility of rival supervillains, but he’d be on his guard nonetheless.

Hot Flash put her hands on her hips. “I better be first on that list.”

“I would never insult a lady,” Megamind said.

Psycho Delic snickered. “He’s got you there, Flashie. Gotta read between the lines. See, he didn’t actually say you were a...”

“Yeah, I get it, Psycho,” Hot Flash said. “Surprised you even know how to read.”

“Haw, haw.” Psycho Delic fished a pack of cigarettes out of his inner pocket. “So who’s this ‘her’? Anyone we know?”

“Your mother,” Megamind said. A crude and obvious response, but there had been too many confrontations that night, and Psycho Delic made his trigger finger itch. “In fact, she told me to tell you she wants her ugly gold necklace back.” Roxanne was only one building away, and not nearly far enough from the Doom Syndicate for his comfort.

Psycho Delic sneered, “Least I don’t shop at Spikes ‘R Us. Where’d you...”

“Would you can it?” Hot Flash snapped. “We got business.”

“Which one am I?” asked Destruction Worker. Everyone looked at the big man in the orange cone mask. “Which one am I?” he said doggedly. “If she’s the Good one, am I the Bad one or the Ugly one?”

Hot Flash rolled her eyes. “We’re past that, Destruction Worker. Try to keep up.”

“I just wondered. So am I the...”

“You know what,” Megamind interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose. “While Destruction Worker makes up his mind, how about someone else tells me what mess the Doom Syndicate has gotten in that requires my assistance.”

“We don’t _need_ your help, smart-ass,” Hot Flash said. Her hair crackled with low flames. “We’re doing you a favor, cuttin’ you in."

“Told you this is what we’d get,” Psycho Delic said. “Insults. Hey, Hot Flash, mind if I...” He waved the cigarette at the flames on her head.

Her eyebrows shot up. “Need a light, Psycho?” she said in a syrupy voice. “Here ya go.” A streamer of flame shot from her finger and zinged past his cheek. He flinched back, cursing.

“Oh, shoot, you missed it,” she said, pulling a sad face. Psycho Delic scowled, and purple smoke rose from his collar until he was in the middle of a small cloudbank. They glared at each other.

Megamind could see Destruction Worker’s eyes wrinkle up in confusion through the holes in his mask. “But we _do_ need Megamind. You said. We need the blimp to...”

“All right, all right.” Hot Flash flung up her hands. She turned back to Megamind. “Earlier tonight I was jumped by a couple of kids. Called themselves the Rotten Apples. Wore skull make-up and one of ‘em had some fire power.” She raised her hand and a fire ball hovered on the ends of her fingertips. “He didn’t know jack about usin’ it, though. I taught him a thing or two. Know anything about that?”

Megamind nodded. “The League of Evil’s running a contest. I, too, was ambushed.”

The Doom Syndicate exchanged knowing looks. “Thought so,” Hot Flash said. “That’s what they said when I held their feet to the fire.”

Psycho Delic said, “Some little brats came after me, too. They’ll be lucky if they ever remember how to tie their shoes again.”

Destruction Worker announced, “We’re gonna go cover Lord Kaos’s fortress with razor wire.”

“Set it on fire,” Hot Flash said.

“And poison him when he runs out,” Psycho Delic said.

“We’ll stop by Cat Lady’s place, too. Burn her tail.” Hot Flash’s teeth gleamed. “We could use your blimp. You could fly us there under the radar, we’d get there in no time.”

Megamind frowned. “It’s a dir-ee-gible, and you seriously want a free ride?”

“Don’t you want to teach those West Coast snots a thing or two? We’d pay for the fuel,” Hot Flash said. She nodded at the brainbots. “These are pretty useful in a fight, too. They can draw his fire.”

“Gosh, I am impressed with your willingness to put my cyborgs in harm’s way,” Megamind said.

Destruction Worker said, “So what? They’re just machines.”

 _Just_ machines. Megamind considered giving the order that would send the brainbots into a biting frenzy. For a brief moment he imagined the Doom Syndicate scattering with brainbots snapping at their heels.

He was sick of fighting. Instead, he tapped his chin and put on a show of fake interest. “A trip out to California with the Doom Syndicate. Wow. That sure is tempting, but I’m going to pass.”

“Don’t be scared. We’ll protect you,” Psycho Delic said, a malicious smile curling his lips.

Megamind smiled thinly. “So what am I supposed to do now, get all defensive and say ‘no, I’m not, I’ll show you’? If you’re trying to manipulate me you’ll have to make your feeble brain come up with a better excuse than that, Psycho. I’m not interested in this vendetta. But I’ll give you a little extra info, free of charge, since I’m so incredibly generous. You’re overlooking the third member of the Triad.”

“Dr. Monocle?” Hot Flash said with a scoff.

“That dickwad?” Destruction Worker sneered. “He only got in ‘cause the other two don’t know a website from a hole in the ground.”

“Dr. Monocle was the mastermind behind the attack on me. He was probably also responsible for your attackers as well.”

The Doom Syndicate scowled at each other. “That dirty, rotten... let’s go burn him out, too.”

“Aw, man, he’s all the way over in Schenectady! That’s, like, the opposite direction.”

“No shit, Sherlock. So which one we hit first?”

“Come on, oh great Master of All Villainy,” Hot Flash said. “Give us a little help, here.”

Megamind shook his head. “I can’t let Psycho Delic near any of my vehicles. I’d never get the stench out. What happened to your private plane?”

“Crashed,” Hot Flash muttered.

Psycho Delic leered. “Her boy toy pilot crashed it. You shoulda heard what they were doing when...”

“How about that, look at the time,” Megamind said loudly. “I’d love to stand around in this filthy back lot all night, but I have to go.”

He swept past them, hand on the de-gun and ready to deliver the attack command to the brainbots if necessary. Minion scowled at the Doom Syndicate as well. The other villains watched them warily, but made no comment and didn’t get in their way. Tonight it looked as though they’d part on friendly terms, so long as Megamind kept his guard up.

There was, however, one more little matter. He said to Psycho Delic, “Before you leave town, get those Rackham rats off my turf, or when you come back you’ll find a smoking ruin where your favorite crackhouse used to be.”

Psycho Delic let out a nervous wheeze. “Wha-a-at? I don’t know what you’re...”

Megamind raised a warning finger. “I’ll make it simple. Midnight, tonight.”

He strode past the diner, as if he had business elsewhere. He could hear them bickering about which member of the Triad to attack first, and who was going to drive.

Megamind went around a corner of a building and leaned against the wall. He directed a brainbot to sneak back and take video of the supervillains. The video feed was relayed back to another ‘bot, who projected it into the air in front of him.

Megamind nodded in satisfaction. The Doom Syndicate was leaving. Now he could go collect Roxanne without worrying about being followed.

Minion said, “But we don’t really know if Dr. Monocle was behind all of these attacks.”

“So what? Serves him right. If he can’t handle a sneak attack, he has no business being a supervillain.”

\- - - - - - - - -

Back at the Lair, Megamind hovered by as Roxanne and Minion looked at each other. Minion twiddled his fingers. Roxanne crossed her arms and smiled anxiously. “I’m sorry we didn’t clue you in, Minion.”

“I’m sorry I spied on you, Miss Ritchi.”

“I understand. It was the only way for you to find out what was going on. Except for, you know, asking Megamind.”

Minion shuffled unhappily. “I know, I... I should have talked to him. I am really, really sorry.”

Roxanne brushed her bangs back. “So how much did you, uh...”

“Oh I didn’t see you naked or anything.” Minion blushed. “Might have overheard a private phone conversation. But all I found out from that was that you and Sir had had a fight.” His fins drooped. “It won’t happen again. I guess I was worried you were using him. Or you’d uncover all his secrets and turn him in.”

Roxanne and Megamind exchanged surprised looks. “You really thought I’d do something like that?”

“Well, it is kind of your job. As Damsel. It’s practically your duty to betray evildoers. Seducing the villain and turning him in? It’s happened.”

“To stupider villains,” Megamind said haughtily.

“Or you two couuld have fought, and then you could have turned him in because you were mad.” Minion’s blush deepened. Now that he was standing there talking to Miss Richi about it, the more ridiculous it seemed. True, some Damsels had seduced supervillains only to turn in their secret plans to the authorities, but it was generally considered sort of a low-class thing to do.

Roxanne patted him on the arm. “We probably did move too fast. I can’t tell you how often I questioned my own sanity.”

Megamind thought about inserting a joke about driving Roxanne crazy, but decided not to interrupt.

She twined her arms around Megamind’s. “I love him, Minion. And I hope I’d never do anything so spiteful as betray him, or you. Even in the event of a break-up.”

Megamind looked at her. “Do you...regret?”

Roxanne touched the unscratched side of his face. “I’m here for you. For us. I don’t take that lightly.” She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “I don’t mean to sound like I’ve got one foot out the door, I don’t. I’m saying...I’m saying there might be a little work involved.”

He seized her hand. “We’ll never fight again.”

She smiled. “Well, I suppose there’ll be disagreements now and then.”

“But no more yelling, or sneak attacks. Or whatever psychological bombardment I inflicted on you that night. I won’t even say the ‘m’ word for at least a year. And whenever you want me to meet your folks, I will be ready to go.”

He announced it with such determination that she chuckled. “We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.”

Minion let out a little squeal. As they looked up, he suddenly raced over and swept both of them up in his arms. “Oh, I’m so happy I could cry!”

“All right, easy, filet mignon. Easy,” Megamind said, cheek pressed against the metal chest.

Roxanne could have kicked herself. “Oh, Minion, I’m sorry, here I was trying to talk to you, and...”

Minion set them down, a huge toothy grin on his face. “No, no, it’s all right, Miss Ritchi.” He sniffled, and to Roxanne’s amusement, one of his big gorilla hands went to his containment dome as if wiping away a tear.

“So we’re good?” she said.

“We’re good.”

Megamind, while relieved the situation had been resolved with a minimum of fuss, pretended to be outraged. “What?! Say ‘I’m sorry’, have a little hugfest and boom, all is forgiven? How come I’m the one who gets the third degree?”

Roxanne slipped her arms around him. “You’re just that special, Megs.”

“Yeah, Sir, you get the extra special treatment,” Minion said cheerfully. “Anybody want some hot cocoa?”

“I’d love some. I’m sort of tired and wound up at the same time,” Roxanne said. “Is it all right if I stay over, Minion? The party girls might show up again and try to crash at my place.”

“Sure, Miss Ritchi. Hey, have you taken the tour of the Lair yet?”

“Of course, Minion, I already showed her the works.” He looked at her, remembering where they had ended up after the tour. “Remember?” he said in a low voice, squeezing her hand. He was pleased to see a faint blush cover her cheeks.

Then she clapped a hand to her forehead. “Urrgh, I’m not done packing yet.”

“I could go get your stuff, Miss Ritchi.”

“Oh, Minion, that’s so nice of you. But nothing’s ready to go yet, really.”

“Well, you could make a list, and then I could get your things. I always pack for Sir.”

Roxanne laughed and raised her hands. “No, really, Minion, I will take care of packing tomorrow.”

“Oh, but if you’re speding the night, what about your toothbrush, and pajamas? You could use some of Sir’s... no, those won’t fit.” Minion’s brow creased furiously, then he brightened. “Wait, there are some t-shirts, you can use one of those. But what about pants? No, Miss Ritchi, those will definitely not fit. And you can’t wander around in just a robe.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Megamind said, smirking.

Minion cleared his throat. “Miss Ritchi, let me at least get you an overnight bag from your place. I cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye promise I won’t snoop around.”

Roxanne had a mental image of Minion cheerfully sorting through her underwear. She looked at Megamind for help.

Megamind gave a little nod as if he, too, could picture it. He said, “I think she’s a little uncomfortable at the thought of you going through her clothes, filet mignon. Even if you’re just packing.”

“Ohhh. Well, can I make you breakfast and bring you over there first thing tomorrow?”

She chuckled and shook her head, thinking. He looked so eager. Clearly, Minion was determined to make himself useful. “Can it be around 9? My flight’s at 1:30.”

“Sure thing! Do you need coffee? Only we don’t have a coffee maker ‘cause coffee makes him go totally bonkers...”

“Minion,” Megamind said through gritted teeth. Roxanne covered her mouth to hide her smile.

“...so I’d have to go get one, but it’ll only take a...”

“Minion!” Roxanne said, laughing. “I don’t want you running out in the middle of the night just for a coffee maker.”

“But it’s no trouble. I’ll be back before...”

Roxanne put her hand on his hairy forearm. “No, Minion, you stay here. I can make coffee at my place when you bring me back. Now, how about that hot cocoa?”

Minion bustled off to the kitchen. Roxanne and Megamind followed more slowly, their arms around each other’s waists. “Nice job of redirection,” Megamind said.

Roxanne glanced at Minion’s broad back, covered with... well, she didn’t even know what all that hardware on the back of the robot suit was. He disappeared into the kitchen. “It was very sweet of him to offer.”

Minion warbled, “We’re an American ba-a-and! We’re an American ba-a-and! We’re comin’ to your town, we’ll help you party down, we’re an American ba-a-and!”

They stopped and glanced at each other. Megamind grinned. “He’s downright ecstatic. Now he has two of us to take care of.”

“Well, I’m not going to start ordering him around like you do.”

“What, me, order?” he said, blinking innocently. “Not only have you gained a boyfriend, you’ve gained a Minion. He’s going to fuss over you whether you like it or not, so better think of things to keep him busy. You’ll get used to it.” He kissed her hair. “You’ll have him ironing your underwear before you know it.”

She laughed. “Not likely.”

\- - - - - - - - -

He waved the remote at the TV. “How about this one? Ever seen ‘Bringing Up Baby’?”

Roxanne, curled up against his side on the couch, said, “Yeah, this one’s hilarous. I love it.” She snuggled a little deeper against his side.  
Minion had gone to bed an hour ago. We really should go to bed, too, Megamind thought for the twentieth time. Roxanne had to go back to her place in the morning and pack, catch the flight, and endure two days of the Damsel Convention. He was worn out, too, but at least he’d get a little break.

He’d showered and changed into pajamas. Roxanne had changed into one of his t-shirts and a blue fluffy robe that Minion had dug out from somewhere in storage. It was long enough to cover her bare legs down to her calves, but was a little tight on her and she had to hold it closed, but she had a blanket over her lap to cover the gap as she sat, for modesty’s sake in Minion’s presence.

All in all, they were cozy. Very, very cozy. Despite all the excitement, or probably because of it, he was very much awake. Or at least part of him was.

He shifted in his seat and tried to ignore the growing pressure in his loins. How could he be so exhausted and so aroused at the same time? It was too soon, wasn’t it? She wasn’t going to feel romantic after all that emotional upheaval. The last thing he wanted was another argument. Hopefully she hadn’t noticed. He’d have to take care of it before retiring.

Roxanne put her hand on his knee as he began pushing against the cushions to stand up. She looked at him. “Oh. Bathroom? Hurry back.” Her smile disappeared at the look on his face. “What?”

He wasn’t sure what to say. He perched on the edge of the couch. She had given him the sort of look that promised rich reward, but he hadn’t expected it. “Aren’t you worn out emotionally, mentally, and/or psychologically?”

“Well, I am a little tired, but not that tired.” She shrugged and trailed a finger over his arm. “You obviously aren’t.” She said, looking down.

A grin stretched out his mouth. “Ah. You noticed.”

“And you were, what, trying not to impose?”

“To show you what a thoughtful and considerate lover I am, yes."

She smiled. “I wouldn’t be shy about saying ‘no’ if I really didn’t feel like it, Megs. But that’s actually kind of sweet. Trying to save me from yourself, are you?”

He shrugged, and slid off the armrest onto the couch. “So. Um. Just to be clear, do you feel like, um...?”

“Well, we can’t let it to go to waste, can we?” She climbed into his lap, straddling him. “We’re not done making up yet.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This here's the gratuitous sex chapter. With some plot. Should be one more chapter after this.

  
He ran his hands up her thighs, under the robe and over her bottom. She cupped his jaw with one hand and lightly ran her other hand over the back of his neck, making a tingling heat course down his neck and back, pulsing along with the heat in his groin. They kissed, long and deep, pressing their bodies together. And her hands, her hands stroking his neck, his jaw.

He kneaded her generous bottom and held her against his bulge, grinding against her. He shifted and swiftly laid her down on her back, but she put her hand on his chest. “No, not here, I want to go to the bedroom.” Her knee brushed against the bruise on his thigh and he winced.

Her eyes widened. “Oh, no, how did I forget? Megs, you’re hurt. I shouldn’t have...” She began to sit up.

“Yes, you should have,” he said quickly, pushing her back down again.

She frowned. “Are you sure you’re up for this? I’m pushing it, aren’t I? You’re all banged up.”

He was still on his hands and knees above her. He would have laid on her, but truth to tell the bruise was still throbbing. “Mere flesh wounds. Less than mere. I’ve had worse bruises from the playground.”

She touched his cheek, carefully, biting her lip. “Those scratches have faded so much already, and this side of your face was shadowed. I guess it was easy to forget.”

Megamind, sensing her attention shifting toward motherly concern, ground against her. “I’m fine,” he insisted. “You should see the other guys.”

“Guys?” she cried, shoving him back so she could sit up. “How many were there? You tell me everything that happened right now.” She crossed her arms.

His forehead wrinkled. “Everything? Now? Even running into the Doom...” He winced. That had slipped out.

Her eyes widened. “The Doom Syndicate?! How many fights did you have?”

“Physical or verbal?”

“Megamind!”

He groaned and hung his head as the prospect of mad, passionate lovemaking receded ever further toward the horizon. “Okay, here’s the recap,” he said, looking up again. “A _brief_ recap.” With any luck they could back to where they’d left off. “First, I was ambushed by a gang of amateurs called the Ferocious Five. A muscle man, a sword-girl, a dinkus with pathetically predictable teleportation powers that took me all of nine seconds to deduce where he would teleport next, a windbag, and a guy with energy whips.”

“How’d you handle all of them?”

“First one dehydrated, second one dehydrated, third one I elbowed in the ribs and then dehydrated,” he said, ticking them off on his fingers. “Last two. I punched the windbag in the nose and dehydrated him, and the last one, I had some assistance from a brainbot, who seized him by the groin, and then I...”

“Dehydrated him?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“What, too predictable?” he chuckled. He paused. Roxanne was watching him intently, eyes shining and lips slightly parted. He steepled his fingers. “I suppose I could have de-moralized some of them. Or de-stroyed...”

She shivered. “Ugh. No, too messy.”

“After that was the argument with Minion, which hurt me far worse than those jokers, then the third encounter of the evening was that little party at your place in which your friend Jet Girl-”

“She’s not really a friend.”

“Noted, but she did almost shoot me.”

He paused again. She was leaning toward him a little more, her legs tucked under her. One arm resting on the back of the couch, her fingertips lightly touched the side of her neck.

Was this concern or arousal? Because it looked remarkably like arousal.

He’d told her a few of his exploits before, but always during quiet times when they were relaxing and hanging out. He’d never spoken of his adventures during a time of impending passion.

He rested a hand on her thigh, letting his fingers slide under the robe to her soft skin. Her eyes flickered down for a moment, then back up to his face. “And then, after I patched things up with Minion,” he said, gazing into her eyes, “we ran into the Doom Syndicate as we were coming to collect you, but that was pure talk. They wanted me to join their rev-ahnge spree. I declined.” He shrugged. “It was nothing, really. Though I did have to remind them who is the top supervillain around here. So, one physical altercation, four verbal confrontations. Well, the one in your apartment was kind of both, but...” He waved a hand in a vague sort of way.

There it was again, that gleam of intrigue in her eyes. She shifted closer. The front of her robe showed a creamy expanse of skin. When had she taken the t-shirt off? He shifted his weight, trying to relieve the increased pressure in his lower regions.

He cocked his head. “Does this turn you on? Tales of my prowess in battle?”

She blinked. “What? Oh. Oh, no, of course not.” She closed the front of her robe and cleared her throat. “I’m. Concerned. Very concerned.”

“Mm-hm.” He smiled and leaned toward her, and then an unpleasant thought suddenly occurred to him. He didn’t really want to tell her this, but he’d better say it now, or there’d be hell to pay. Besides, she’d noticed his grimace and was giving him a questioning look. “It’s actually a good thing you’re staying here tonight,” he said. “It’s... possible another supervillain has your apartment under surveillance.”

“Oh, great. Who?”

“Dr. Monocle. But I turned the Doom Syndicate against him,” he said, as she scowled and ran a hand through her hair. “And if that doesn’t work, I will personally go to his supposed lair and kick his ass.” He seized her hand and planted a kiss on the back of it.

She sighed and shook her head. “I’m not going to have a quiet life, am I?” But she smiled as she said it.

“Not a chance.” He stood up, scooped her up in his arms, and headed for the bedroom.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Okay, tough guy. You asked for it,” she said, and licked his ear.

He almost stumbled. “You are playing with fire, Miss Ritchi.”

“Oh, no. What ever will I do?” She lightly ran her teeth over his earlobe. “Who will save me?”

He trembled, goosebumps running across his skin. “It’s your own fault,” he gasped. “F-f-for being so damn sexy.” Thank the evil gods they were at the bedroom.

He kicked the door closed, but it banged open again. “Damn it,” he muttered, swinging around and aiming another kick at it.

“Careful, don’t fall over,” Roxanne said, giggling and holding on tight.

“Never,” he panted. “Balance of a... of a... oh, hell, forget it.”

The latch finally caught and he hurried to the bed and laid her down. She scooted back to give him more room and he crawled onto the mattress between her legs. He tugged open the robe and bent his head over her nipple. “I trust you brought your diaphragm as well? In your purse?”

Her eyes, which had been half closed, snapped open. “No. It’s back home.”

He looked up. “Oh. Well, I must have a ...a condom here somewhere.” After some frenzied rummaging in pockets and drawers he found one. “But it’s only one,” he said, frowning.

She scoffed. “I think it’ll be enough, Megs. There’s not going to be a marathon tonight, for crying out loud. Take off your shirt. I need to see the problem areas.”

“You’ll have to help me. I...I feel so weak,” he said, falling onto the bed with his arm draped pathetically over his forehead. “You have to nurse me back to health.”

She snorted and unbuttoned his pajama top, and let out an “oh” in sympathy at the spreading bruise over his side, and, when he wriggled out of his pants, at a smaller one on his upper right thigh. “Oh, honey.”

“These are nothing, they’ll be gone day after tomorrow,” he said, sitting up and kissing her neck.

She felt her breath quicken in concern and also, she had to admit, excitement. She felt a little ashamed of herself. Worry for his safety should be foremost in her mind, not pride at his tough guy status. It went against what she thought she was supposed to be as a girlfriend, but she couldn’t help it. His determination to never back down from a fight was something that had impressed her, though for a long time she’d found his determination to attack Metro Man again and again more exasperating than admirable.

“Is it wrong that I find it sexy when you’re dangerous?” She pressed her lips to his.

“No argument from me,” he said indistinctly.

She put her hands on either side of his head and pushed him back a little to give him a stern look. “But I don’t want you running around looking for fights because you think it’ll impress me, Megs.”

His eyes were half closed. “I think there’s a few things you can do to keep me by your side.” He could hardly believe she was still here, and he got to do these wonderfully intimate activities with her, after everything that had happened.

She hadn’t disavowed him in front of her Damsel friends, she was giving him another chance, she and Minion were friends, and he felt so incredibly lucky not to have screwed it up.

It troubled him that his deepest insecurities and malevolent impulses had nearly driven her away. He would have to pay attention to his feelings, so he could head off his subconscious before it sabotaged him again. He’d do whatever it took to make this relationship work.

He released her and rolled onto his back to wriggle out of his underwear.

Standing up, she shimmied off the robe and slipped off her panties while he watched her hungrily. This was a view he would never, ever, get tired of. She climbed onto the bed. “Turn around,” he said.

She lay on her side, turning her back to him. He fitted his body against hers, pushing one arm under her to fondle her breast while his other hand ran up and down her thigh and buttock.

He stroked and kneaded until she was warm and tingly. She pressed against him, and his erection stood hard against her. His chest warmed her back. She felt wetness between her legs and began to be impatient for him to touch her in her most private places.

She needed this, needed his touch, this physical confirmation of the connection between them.

And it took her mind off the convention. Get through the next few days, she told herself, and then she could gear up for the circus that would erupt over the revelation that she’d hooked up with the supervillain who’d terrorized her city for the past two decades.

“You really missed my ass, didn’t you,” she said.

He bit her neck, gently. “Your ass missed _me_. I can tell. So sad. It hasn’t been getting enough attention.” He squeezed her rear, and continued to stroke her curves, his hand travelling up and down thigh, hip, and bottom, while she shook with laughter.

She giggled. “You give the best butt massages.”

“Only the best for you.” She could feel his wicked smile between her shoulder blades.

His hand traveled up the front of her thigh, brushing lightly over her curly hairs. His other hand cupped her breast, fingers stroking her hardened nipple. She trembled, and pressed back against him. His fingertips traveled over her belly and came down again, brushing past her vulva and travelling right on by.

She groaned in protest and pushed her hips against him again. His hand trailed up again and slipped into the crevice of her womanhood. He stroked her, rubbing the slickness and spreading it over the soft folds until she was throbbing.

She said, “I want you. Now.” He tugged on her hips to lift her to her knees, but she squirmed away. “No, not doggie style. I want to see you.” She rolled onto her back.

He grabbed the condom and soon had it in place. He crawled over her, pushing her thighs apart with his knees, and entered her. On his elbows, he rocked his hips back and forth, eyes closed.

He lowered his head and left kisses along her shoulder, and worked his way up her collarbone and neck. Bending more, he lifted his body so he could take one of her nipples into his mouth. They were close enough in height so it wasn’t too uncomfortable of a maneuver. Bracing against the mattress she arched her back to press more firmly into his mouth, and tightened her vaginal muscles around him. Her fingertips traced the edges of his ears and he made little strangled ‘mm’ sounds.

Breathing hard through his nose, he sucked harder, then switched to the other nipple. Her fingers ran over the curve of his head and for several delicious moments he thrust into her vigorously, but when her hands brushed over his neck he sat back almost on his heels. Still inside her, he continued to move in and out, but slowly.

“Faster,” she moaned.

He panted and took a deep breath to slow down his racing heart. Roxanne’s touch on his neck would send him over the edge into orgasm, and he didn’t want to get there just yet. He laid his hand on her vulva. “I want to make you come.” He ran his thumb over the slick spot.

She trembled and shut her eyes. That had felt really good, but... “I can’t, Megs.” She couldn’t climax if he was inside her. She found intercourse highly enjoyable, but she’d never been able to climax during it. She needed to focus on purely clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm, without the... the distraction of a penis thrusting into her, as pleasurable as that was.

“Let’s try. A little experiment.” If there was a way to give her even more pleasure, he would like to discover it. If this didn’t work, well, he would go back to the tried and true method. His thumb moved again across her wet, swollen clit, with quick back-and-forth strokes.

Slowly he moved his cock halfway out, and then in, and stroked her with his thumb again, alternating the movements.

She rocked her pelvis up a little more so her clit pressed more into his thumb, and squeezed her muscles around his cock. _Something_ was happening. A warmth grew in her pelvis, and spread out.

Slow thrust in and out, then rapid stroking, slow thrust, rapid stroking, slow thrust, rapid...

Oh fuck. Moaning, almost squealing, she arched her back, pressing her shoulders into the bed, rocking her hips against him, squeezing him hard. “Ohgodohgodohgod...”

He let out a grunt. “Mmm, yes.”

She wriggled against him, her orgasm pulsing through her in a melting wave. It ebbed, and she sank back, panting.

He clamped one of her thighs against his side and braced his free hand against the mattress, leaning over her. Almost growling, he rocked his hips more swiftly, thrusting in and out. Running her hands over the hard muscles of his arm and shoulders she drank in the sight of the clean lines of his arched neck and head. Her hands travelled up to his neck and his tendons stood out and his face went slack with rapture. He ground into her with a groan.

He collapsed on top of her, panting. After a moment he rolled to the side and they lay with their arms wrapped around each other. Their breathing returned to normal, and he shifted onto his back and took off the condom, looked around for a tissue to wrap it in so he could leave it on the nightstand. There were none to be had, so, grumbling, he got out of bed and dropped it in the wastebasket by the desk. He got back in bed and they curled around each other again. He lay his leg over her hips, snuggling close. They rested in the warmth of their embrace and the afterglow.

“That was new,” she murmured, nuzzling his forehead.

He chuckled deep in his throat, warming her with the vibrations, and rolled his forehead back and forth against her head. “Can we fight and make up again?”

“Not on your life.”

\- - - - - - - - - -

BAM BAM BAM

Megamind emerged from the depths of sleep to the sound of Minion pounding on the door.

Roxanne stirred against his side. “Guzzat.”

Megamind squinted at the clcck. “Six? AM? Middle of the night.”

“Make him stop that.”

“You make him,” Megamind grumbled. But it was his home and his friend, so he extracted his arm from under her and dragged his legs over the side of the bed.

_“My_ wake-up call isn’t ‘til nine,” she said smugly, and burrowed deeper into the blankets.

He got up and pain seared up his side and his leg buckled briefly. He grabbed at the nightstand, clutching his side. His brief whimper was lost in the racket.

BAM BAM BAM

What in the hell... Why was he so sore? Maybe there _had_ been a little too much activity last night.

Minion said, “Sir? You awake?” BAM BAM BA-

“Cut it out,” he shouted. “I’m awake. Geez.”

“Sir, can you come out, please? Something really, really important is going on.” There was a pause. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I? I thought I heard snoring, so I..."

Gritting his teeth, he hobbled a few steps back and forth, and the pain receded to a dull ache. So nothing was broken, at least, he was just sore from overexertion. He plodded over to his robe. “You’re interrupting my sleep, Minion, if that counts as important, but other than that, I’d like to have a little talk about listening at doors.”

Minion sniffed. “Well, excuse me, but maybe we can talk about getting some insulation in the walls, too, ‘cause you guys were kinda noisy last...”

Megamind flung the door open and Minion jumped back.

“And what,” Megamind said coldly, “is so important?”

Minion held a cup of hot cider out to him. Megamind accepted it and strolled over to the monitor station, Minion fidgeting beside him.

“It’s on the news, Sir. Eyewitness Morning Super Edition.”

“Metro Mahn stub his toe?” Megamind sneered.

Minion hit the play button. An image of Megamind and Roxanne filled one of the screens, in each other’s arms and their foreheads mooshed together, staring lovestruck into each other’s eyes.

Megamind inhaled sharply. “Oh,” he exhaled, sitting in the chair.

“The other stations have just started to pick it up.” Minion clicked on a few more channels. “Looks like the photo was taken at Miss Ritchi’s. From the balcony?”

Megamind slowly shook his head, unable to tear his gaze away. “No. Looks like it was shot inside the apartment. Last night.”

Onscreen, the anchorman was saying, “...appears to be genuine, and not an elaborate prank. Which raises a number of questions about Roxanne Ritchi’s mental state.”

A bearded man appeared. The words ‘Prof. Felix, PhD.’ and ‘Counselor of the New York Super Academy’ appeared on the screen below him. “Well, we can’t rule out mind-control at this time. It’s not the first time a Damsel has been manipulated by a ruthless supervillain...”

Megamind looked around at the sound of Roxanne’s soft step. She was wearing the borrowed robe, and she stared blankly at the screen as the academic droned on about her mental state. He stood up and offered her the chair, but she shook her head and stood next to him, staring at the screen. By that look on her face, he was extremely glad that he hadn’t followed through on his plan to secretly ‘out’ their relationship.

“Diane,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “I’ll bet she took the picture. She was sitting down, the others were standing, and I didn’t see any cell phones in their hands.”

“Maybe,” he said, frowning. Someone in the apartment had taken the photo, there was no doubt about that. The angle didn’t seem quite right, though, from where he remembered Diane had been seated. Still, it was possible he wasn’t remembering everything perfectly. She could have taken the photo and then sat down.

The academic on the screen was replaced by a live shot of Jet Girl, with her trademark eye mask and heroically slicked back hair. “I could see that Miss Ritchi was under the spell...I use the word figuratively, of course... of the supervillain. It might have been injurious to her mental state to try to force her away from him. If the victim isn’t ready to leave her oppressor of her own will, then...”

“Victim,” Roxanne said through her teeth. “Oppressor? Ooo, I am gonna...” She clamped her teeth together, repressing her outrage so they could hear the rest of Jet Girl’s comments.

Jet Girl looked into the camera. “Rest assured, the Tri-State Heroic Alliance of Heroes and the League of Damsels has been informed. It’s possible that an intervention may be necessary.”

“Bitch,” Roxanne snapped. “If she really thought I was in an abusive relationship being ‘oppressed’, she wouldn’t have gone public with this shit! Talking about it on air doesn’t help real victims!” She looked around wildly.

Megamind snatched up an old remote control (at least he didn’t remember it belonging to anything important) and held it out to her. She grabbed it and threw it down. Bits of plastic broke off and skittered across the floor. Two brainbots flew over in excitement, but they sensed the tension in the air, and hovered around Megamind, bowg-ing quietly. He patted them and murmured, “It’s all right, Mommy’s not mad at you.”

Roxanne, arms wrapped around her middle, hurried to the kitchen. Megamind turned off the screens. “Minion, could you find a coffee maker and some medium-ground roast coffee beans, and hazelnut creamer? No, better yet, get a super-tall latte from that place with the sticky buns. That’ll be quicker.”

“On it.” Minion went to the invisible car.

Megamind walked into the kitchen. Roxanne was leaning against the counter. “So, the chickens came home to roost a lot sooner than we thought, huh?” She had a grim smile on her face.

He shifted his weight. He hadn’t been sure what she would want. Would she ask for some time alone, or yell at him out of frustration? It was, after all, his fault she was smack-dab in the middle of a scandal. Because he couldn’t stand around doing nothing, he leaned against the counter next to her, folding his arms. “Want me to sneak onto Jet Girl’s plane and put spee-iders in her flight helmet?”

Roxanne choked out a laugh. “That’s really tempting, Megs. I’ll think about it. Probably too traumatic for the spiders, though.” She swiped a hand over her eyes. “Bitch,” she muttered again. “I shouldn’t say that. I hate that word. But she is,” she muttered defiantly. “Guess I was looking forward to a week’s reprieve before the onslaught. Can you bring me to my place to get my suitcase now?”

His heart fluttered. “You...you’re moving in?” He put his hands around her waist, his face breaking into a smile. “As soon as we’re dressed, my dearest.”

“What? No, I’m not... Megs, remember what we discussed, about taking things at a leisurely pace? Moving in so soon is a little too quick for me. Almost on a level with marriage, the dreaded ‘m’ word.”

He frowned, puzzled. “But then why...” His eyes widened. “You’re still going to the Damsels Convention?” he cried. He shook his head vehemently. “No, you can’t...”

“I damn well am going!”

He raised his hand in a calming gesture. “Wait, I didn’t say that you...”

“They think you’re an abuser, and I’m your helpless victim! That is not fair, or right. I’m not going to hide in the Lair, and I’m not going to stay away from the convention as if I’m ashamed. I don’t care what...”

“I’m going with you!” Megamind shouted.

Roxanne stopped and blinked at him. “You are?”

He clasped her upper arms. “What I was trying to say is that you can’t go there alone. Because _that_ is not fair.”

“Oh. You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do. Going to be a lot of jackals moving in for the kill.”

She chewed her lip. “They’ll accuse you of ...of handling me.”

“Someone’s bound to say that anyway, whether I’m there or not.”

“Or they’ll say you won’t let me out of your sight.”

He rubbed her arms and looked into her eyes. “They’re going to say all kinds of things. I’m not letting you face that mob alone.”

To his alarm her face wrinkled up and she covered her mouth. Quickly he put his arms around her again. “I’m sorry, honey, I’m sorry.” He must be saying all the wrong things. “It’s up to you, you’re the media expert here, what do you think is best? I can come along and shoot anyone who looks at you in a funny way, or I will hide out here. I’ll do whatever you want.” He blurted out every alternative plan he could think of off the top of his head, hoping something would stick. Roxanne in tears was unnerving. She lay her head against his and he stroked her hair until she calmed down again.

“Fuck,” she said, straightening up. “I hate crying.”

Megamind dug a tissue out of his robe pocket. “Here. It’s clean.” He eyed it. “Er. Mostly clean. Let me get...”

She took it and wiped her streaming eyes and nose. “No, it’s fine. I want you to be there with me. Believe me, I would love the support. This is...” She waved a hand at her tear-streaked face, “This is stress.” She heaved a sigh and then a slow smile spread over her face. “You can hang out with the other boyfriends.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, what fun! What do the spandexed pretty boys do after they drop off their lovely ladies?”

Giggling, she said, “You always make fun of heroes in tights, and you’ve got some of the tightest pants I’ve seen. I sense a discrepancy, here.”

“It is streamlined, custom-fitted battle wear...”

“Battle wear?” she chuckled.

“Yes, battle wear, it’s like athletic wear, only better,” he said haughtily, “composed of a stretchable titanium/leather/cotton blend, combining maximum durability with ease of movement, and machine washable. Completely different from tights.”

“Streamlined battle pants, got it.” She tapped her chin. “Let’s see, first, there’s a meet-and-greet session. Everybody hangs out, meets the new Damsels, sees old friends...”

Frowning furiously, he pretended to take out a notebook. “Small talk. Right. Weather, the family, hobbies, point out the inadequacy of their heroic abilities, shame them for all time. Got it.” He hunched over his invisible notebook, invisible pen scribbling. She covered her mouth to stifle her laughter. “And then?” He peered at her studiously.

“Some of the superhero boyfriends hang out as sort of an honor guard to discourage supervillains from crashing the place. The rest of them go out to the sports bars, I think.”

He made a face. “Urgh. Sports. I hope you appreciate the great sacrifices I am making for you, Miss Ritchi,” he said with a sniff.

“Eh, don’t worry about it, you’ll probably get arrested before then,” she said, waving a hand.

He waggled his finger. “Ah, but I won’t be breaking any laws.”

“Megs, there’s a thousand warrants out for your arrest.” Her grin faded. “You know what, you’re a target for every hero and cop in the tri-state area. Maybe you should stay here.”

“What’s one more arrest?” He rolled his eyes and flapped a hand dismissively. “It will be the most tragic arrest in history. I will be ripped from your side kicking and screaming, proclaiming that no prison can ever keep us apart. Besides, it’s true.” He brightened. “Ooo, maybe it’ll happen in the middle of an interview. They’ll have to pry a microphone out of my hands.”

Slowly her smile returned. “All right. But don’t overdo it.”

“I’ll work in some Shakespeare to make it classy. And it will be the perfect time to explain how you tamed this monster and set him on the straight and narrow.” He made an elaborate bow, then held out his hand to her. “Want to help me pick out an appropriate, ordinary, normal, every day suit for the occasion?”

She tilted her head as she took his hand. “Do you have any normal suits?” They strolled toward his room.

“A few. And a tux.”

“I like your regular spikes and cape. Let’s stick to tradition. What?”

A huge grin was on his face. “Just a thought. You’ll be walking in on the arm of Public Enemy Number One after all. Reformed, of course.” He sobered. “If things get very bad for you, and I’m not there, promise me you’ll leave. Minion can be close by in disguise, and he can bring you back to Metrocity.”

“I don’t think they’ll chuck tomatoes at me or anything like that, but I will,” she said, as he opened his mouth to insist she get out of there in the event of a disaster. “I promise.”

With that, they went forward to face the future, together.


End file.
